The Daily Derelict

It all ends here

2011-10-06T14:33:00.002-04:00

Well, I haven't posted on here in months, and apparently neither has Paul. But I figured I wanted to get my thoughts online before tonight.

So here we are. On the 2 year anniversary of Game 163....Please, Tigers...Beat New York.

No matter what, it's been a hell of ride this year. I got to attend 12 games. I saw Justin pitch live 6 times. Twice he almost threw a no-hitter, and another time he struck out 14 Diamondbacks. Once he even caused another Cy Young contender to melt-down. Sitting right there in left field, I witnessed the Angels bullpen on the ready, but they didn't want to be pounced on by our ferocious Tigers. I saw the defending World Champion Giants in person. I saw little ole' Ramon and his "Sneaky power" hit a walk-off. I watched tonight's starter Doug Fister pitch for Detroit and against it. I watched Miggy win a batting title right before my very eyes, all the while brightening our days with light tower shots that seemed to get lost in the eyes of the Tiger atop the left field scoreboard. I watched Austin Jackson who seemed to run down every ball hit within a stadium's reach of him. I watched Jose Valverde with my breath held, all while he managed to not blow a single save all season. I watched players such as Raburn and Benoit turn their seasons around even when nobody else seemed to believe in them. I watched our Tigers be the cause of other teams in the Central Division implode instead of doing it ourselves.

And here it is...9 innings to decide our own fate after 166 previous games. It all comes down to perhaps the biggest trade deadline move our team has made since 1987. It's time to right the wrong of the way that 1987 finished. It's as if we've come full circle. Doug Fister can make the memory of the John Smoltz-Doyle Alexander trade die forever, all right in front of the very same Smoltz, TBS commentator now. He can make the memory of that fateful Game 163 collapse of two years ago go away forever. Tonight, Doug Fister can fix two things. But no matter what, don't ever forget Detroit. Always a Tiger.

Morning Head: I still don't know if the Tigers won as I type this headline

2011-08-10T07:47:00.005-04:00

Lea Michele. Let me entertain you, indeed. Is it just me, or is the song from that commercial the most suggestive harmless song you've ever heard? Let me entertain you, let me make you smile? I'm very versatile? Maybe I'm just a pervert.

So the Tigers and Indians took forever last night, thanks to a rain delay and extra innings. Because of this, I fell asleep and missed the end of the game. Now, let me just do a little looking and see what happened ... what the fuck? A hit-by-pitch with the bases loaded? Did David Pauley have somewhere to be? Was he tired like the rest of us? It's a wasted start from Doug Fister and a wasted effort from Duane Below, who was marvelous in long relief. The offense was awful for the Tigers, but the one thing I thought over and over again while watching this game, was that the Indians are awful, and if the Tigers don't hold them off to win the Central, it should be considered a complete failure. (DetNews)

The Lions went out and signed Mike Bell and Jerome Harrison to replace Mikel Leshoure on Tuesday. I like these signings under the circumstances. It's kind of like having to fill a hole on your fantasy team when one of your running backs is injured and all that's left is Jerome Harrison and Mike Bell (I'm pretty sure this exact scenario has happened to at least one of us). You're satisfied with that, but you know that your other players are going to have to have big days in order for you to win. (Freep)

One of my favorite stories of 2011 has been the poisoning of trees at Toomer's Corner on the Auburn campus. Not because I thought it was a good idea, but because it was such a bat-shit crazy idea, and it all started with a call to a nationally syndicated radio show. That's why the SEC wins every national title, because the people down there are so fucking crazy and the coaches and players know it. They're not any better than the players from the Midwest or West* they're just constantly playing with the thought of having their family pets, or worse -- their families, poisoned if they don't win. (*That's a lie, they are better). (SI.com)

The U.S. men's soccer team will play its first game under new coach Jurgen Klinsmann tonight against Mexico. It's a friendly, and you probably won't see some of the key players from either team. It also hasn't been long enough for Klinsmann to have had any kind of significant impact on the team's play. But a big deal is being made out of the game, so be a good American and watch it. (USA Today)

The Los Angeles City Council unanimously approved the planning of a downtown stadium which has football fans in the area excited about the opportunity of once again having an NFL team in town. Bill Plaschke makes a plea, however, to the Raiders to not even think about being that team. Now that would be a major buzzkill. (LA Times)

Wisconsin republicans kept control of the state senate Tuesday night, winning four of six recall efforts. For the democrats, that means a lot of money and energy spent to put two people in the Senate but not take control of it. For us, that means absolutely nothing unless one of our readers is living in Wisconsin, in which case it probably doesn't mean much because republicans are still in control. (Madison State Journal)

Today's Amazingness might be a repeat, but I don't care:

Morning Head: The Lions really are cursed

2011-08-09T07:51:00.004-04:00

Rihanna has been gallivanting across the globe wearing bikinis and things of that nature. This is upsetting nobody, except maybe photographers that don't have a passport.

It's August, so irrational Lions fans are talking about playoffs. The only difference is, the rational fans are also talking about it, and so are members of the national media. So, of course the Lions can't get out of the first full week of training camp without losing one of the reasons for that optimism for the year. Running back Mikel Leshoure, who was supposed to be the guy that not only gave Jahvid Best rest but also provided a the perfect complement, tore his Achilles tendon and is done for the year. I'm not sitting here telling you that Mikel Leshoure was the key to the Lions season, because he's not. They still have Best and Matthew Stafford and a good stable of receivers led bye one of -- if not the -- best in the NFL with Calvin Johnson. But Leshoure was going to make that offense a touch more dynamic, at least that was the plan. And with the injury history of Best, having a very tough backup is a pretty important thing for the Lions. (Freep)

The Tigers were off Monday, but that didn't stop them from making news. Dave Dombrowski had his contract extended four years, while Leyland was given another season. I have mixed feelings about Dombrowski as a GM. He's made some great moves -- getting Miguel Cabrera -- and some bad ones -- letting Placido Polanco get away -- but that's something that pretty much every good GM has on his record. Plus, the Tigers may be high payroll, but they're not willing to completely out-spend their mistakes like the Yankees and Red Sox. As for Leyland, I have my issues with him, but the team is playing better than .500 baseball right now and leading the division. Sure, the division is awful, but giving a guy another year after what Leyland has done isn't the end of the world. (DetNews)

Starting today, the Tigers get the Indians in a three-game series. The two teams play each other 12 more times this season, and the Tigers lead by four games, so the Indians won't be out of things even if the Tigers sweep them. Although, a sweep and a seven-game lead in mid-August would be awesome. (DetNews)

Could we be on our way to one day seeing a woman officiating an NFL game? ESPNW seems to think so. As long as an official can keep up with the pace of play and knows the game, I don't care if al Qaeda is officiating. But seriously, if it happens, you're going to hear a lot of debate about the safety of it, and if she makes a bad call because she's, god forbid, out of position (like male officials often have been), we'll all hear about it. (ESPNW)

Speaking of not being quick enough to get out of the way ... Joe Paterno was blindsided by a member of the Penn State football team during Monday's practice and forced to go to the hospital. Of course, the man refused to go right away and wanted to finish the practice, proving that Joe Paterno, while old and a danger behind the wheel, is still tougher than you. (Centre Daily Times)

Oh yeah, the stock market continues to tank, but the stuff going on behind the scenes is strange. We were downgraded by Standard & Poors to AA+, which has caused all sorts of concerns, even though S&P is the same company who said all those shit-ass mortgages that were part of crashing our economy the first time around, were A-OK. So how do they have the power to continue to fuck with our economy? (TPM)

Today's Amazingness comes from the current best band in the world. I will not entertain any arguments against this:

Morning Head: The news is depressing

2011-08-05T08:22:00.004-04:00

Sarah Burke is a freestyle skier, which explains why every picture of her is with some sort of snowy background. That's also how you know her tan is fake.

No, the graph at this link is not a mountain range, it's the stock market's reaction to what it expected the monthly jobs report to say. It was the worst single day in the market since 2008, when everything went to hell, and it made for a lot of pictures of despondent traders on television. (CNN Money)

That job report came out today, and, SURPRISE (!), it was better than expected. If you lived your life like the stock market, you would slit your wrist before every yearly doctor's visit or pull out your own teeth before visiting the dentist because, hey, you might get some bad news. (CNN Money)

The Tigers did not finish a sweep the Texas Rangers Thursday, which on it's own is disappointing. But if I had told you on Monday the Tigers were about to take two of three from the Rangers, you would have been happy. So be happy, for crying out loud. Today, the Tigers start a series in Kansas City. Nothing is "must-win" yet, but for God's sake, beat the fucking Royals, please. (DetNews)

The new Collective Bargaining Agreement was ratified by the players Thursday, and it includes HGH testing. I admire this. I also think we're about to find out that a shit-ton of NFL players are on HGH. (ESPN)

How well are Michigan and Notre Dame recruiting so far in this cycle? They're now turning away top-tier defensive tackles in August. The pulling of Tommy Schutt's offer has led to much message board teeth-gnashing and speculation from both Irish and Wolverine fans, as it's a common belief that you can never have too many elite defensive lineman. It's being reported that it's space issues for both schools. The fact that Florida also pulled his offer (allegedly), however, means he probably killed an underage hooker. (Chicago Tribune)

Michael Beasley is handling the NBA lockout well. When a picture of you with a shit-ton of marijuana is the second worst thing you've been caught on camera doing, you're not doing it right. (The Big Lead)

Today's Amazingness is some Louis C.K.:

Morning Head: A-Rod gives up anal virginity in poker game?

2011-08-04T11:08:00.003-04:00

Cameron Diaz, who was not gambled away in a high stakes poker game by A-Rod. Side note, I've seen some recent pictures of Cameron Diaz, and while she's clearly keeping shape, she's kind of scary looking. Maybe it's the pussy in me, but I'm not a fan of women who are more defined than I was in high school. Or that I have bigger boobs than (sadly, this list is getting bigger by the day).

Alex Rodriguez has reportedly been playing in some high stakes poker games with celebrities like Matt Damon, Toby Maguire, Leonardo DiCaprio and Ben Affleck. The MLB is apparently upset by this, because A-Rod has been told before to stay away from underground poker games. Gambling, of course, is taboo in professional sports, but betting for sex with your hot-ass girlfriends is not exactly doctoring your lineup to cover a spread. (NY Post)

Doug Fister was impressive in his first start as a Tiger, and for his efforts he received more run support than he had all season in Seattle. Well, not quite, but almost. Fister picked up his first win as a Tiger in a 5-4 victory against the Texas Rangers. This is the same Rangers team that's leading the AL West and became a lot of people's AL "favorite" after the trade deadline when it picked up some big-time relievers. The Tigers have not been too impressed with those relievers, however, and can finish off a sweep of the Rangers this afternoon at Comerica. (DetNews)

Former Michigan State and NFL defensive lineman -- and actor -- Bubba Smith died Wednesday. Obviously, I never saw Smith play, but they say he was one of the all-time greats in the college game. He was also pretty awesome in "Police Academy." (Freep)

REAL COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS! Kind of. The preseason Coaches Poll came out today, and Oklahoma is No. 1. Michigan State is No. 17, followed immediately by Notre Dame. Michigan is in the "others receiving votes" category sandwiched between Central Florida and Air Force. Defending national champion Auburn? No. 19. Frankly, I think even that is a little generous. (USA Today)

I rarely say things like this, and in fact, this might be the first time I've ever said this: Merril Hoge is right. The concussed one says that Kyle Orton is the better choice for the Broncos at quarterback this year. Early camp performance and statistics also point to this, but when the other guy is Tim Tebow, people are going to freak out. I'd also like to take this moment to apologize to Merril Hoge for my calling him an idiot when he said Vince Young wouldn't amount to anything. Touche, Hoge. Touche. (CBS Sports)

How's this for Amazingness? From reader and one-time contributor Brad, here's video of a witness to the LINCOLN assassination on a game show:

Morning Head: You just got Boesch'd

2011-08-03T10:21:00.004-04:00

Teresa Palmer, who is basically a hotter, less annoying version of Kristen Stewart. She's in "Take Me Home Tonight," which I highly recommend.

I watched Master Chef last night, because I'm addicted to Master Chef. When it ended, I flipped on the Tigers game to see if it was still on, and was pleased to see the Tigers were winning 5-2 in the eighth, with the all-of-the-sudden reliable Joaquin Benoit on the mound. I went to get a beer, and when I came back, it was 5-5. Then Brennan Boesch was all, "BAM MOTHERFUCKER" and the Tigers won (but not before a pair of errors in the field made things interesting in the top of the ninth). After the game, Mario Impemba called Boesch's hit "maybe the most important of the Tigers' 14 on the night." I'm not so sure, Mario. I think it might have been that Magglio single in the first inning. Newsflash, sports broadcasters: You don't have to qualify the importance of a game-winning home run in the eighth or ninth inning. (DetNews)

Nick Fairley has a walking boot on his left foot, which is always fun to see on your team's first-round pick. Fairley and the Lions are downplaying the injury, so hopefully it's not something that affects his play this season. Lord knows the Lions have had enough bad breaks while they were incompetent, it would be a shame if those bad breaks continued while they looked like they actually knew what they were doing. (DetNews)

Brian Kelly reinstated Michael Floyd days before preseason camp started at Notre Dame. This comes as no surprise if you followed this at all during the summer. As soon as ResLife gave Kelly the OK and he said it was "all in or all out" the writing was pretty much on the wall that Floyd would be playing this year for the Irish. This, of course, will strengthen the "just like everybody else" crowd, which is fine by me. The dirty little secret about Notre Dame football is that it's always been defined nationally by its football program, it's just had a run of real shitty coaches. As a fan, I appreciate that Notre Dame has been different -- and in many aspects, it still is despite what you'll hear. But archaic punishments like kicking a kid out of school for an alcohol or marijuana violation were not an example of why Notre Dame was better, but why they were behind the times. A one-game suspension after missing all of spring ball (this happened six months ago) would have been fine (for everyone other than Michigan fans, who would have called for at least two, and Michigan State fans who would have called for at least three). Kelly claims Floyd has had counseling and academic demands that he's had to meet to be reinstated. If they're stringent and that's true, it's probably appropriate. Of course, we'll never know exactly what he had to do, and people inside and out of the Notre Dame fanbase will complain. It doesn't seem like Kelly cares, and if Floyd catches 80 passes for 1,500 yards and 15 touchdowns in a BCS season, neither will anyone at Notre Dame. (Chicago Tribune)

Brady Hoke is bringing in huge donations at Michigan, further proving my theory that Rich Rodriguez will forever be remembered as their Ty Willingham. Donors and alumni are so happy to have a "Michigan Man" back in the fold and be rid of the guy who was different that they're willing to give huge amounts of money without seeing him coach a game. This happened with Weis at Notre Dame. Michigan fans should probably pray that's the only similarity between he and Weis. (Freep)

Today's Amazingness is a hedgehog who is averse to gas.

Morning Head: I'm still drafting Randy Moss in my fantasy football league

2011-08-02T07:59:00.004-04:00

Jasmine Waltz, who, as far as I can tell, is famous for having a sex tape. She's not a porn star, though. Go ahead, try and make sense of that.

Randy Moss announced Monday that he would be retiring from football. This ends one of the most electric, exciting, confusing, frustrating and controversial careers the NFL has ever seen. Moss never won a Super Bowl, although he came close twice, and was a member of two of the best regular-season teams ever put on the field. He's the best deep threat the NFL has ever seen, and maybe ever will, but his lack of work ethic (perceived or not) and non-football issues (this is a guy who got kicked out of Florida State in the Bobby Bowden days, for crying out loud) will make people argue about where he stands on the list of best receivers of all time. In my personal opinion, he's No. 2, right behind Rice, because even when he wasn't trying, you had to know exactly where he was, and probably with two people. (Star Tribune)

The game is now two days old, but that hasn't stopped the talk surrounding the Tigers 3-2 win Sunday against the Angels. Jered Weaver is reportedly going to receive a six-game suspension for throwing at the head of Alex Avila. Say what you will about the antics that went on during the game which may have broken baseball's unwritten rules, but Weaver's action was the only thing that could have done any actual damage to anything other than someone's pride. How him throwing a ball at someone's head isn't the biggest talking point coming out of this thing is mind-boggling to me. (LA Times)

The Tigers open a three-game series tonight with the Rangers. This is a biggie, just because the Rangers made moves at the deadline which made them one of the favorites to win the American League again. No, it's not a Central Division opponent, but if the Tigers are going to win the Central like I -- and more importantly, Tony Paul -- think they will, every series is a biggie. (DetNews)

Joey Harrington spent the night in the intensive care unit of a hospital after being hit by a car while riding his bike in Oregon. It was at 8:30 p.m., so it wasn't dark enough to blame it on that. Perhaps the driver was an Oregon State fan. The driver, by the way, was cited for "following too close." No shit? You think he was too close? (Freep)

Kwame is free!!!! (Freep)

Gabrielle Giffords returned last night to cast a vote for the debt bill. It passed, easily, and would have without her vote. But still, not bad returning from being shot in the head less than a year ago. (Huffington Post)

Last but certainly not least, I don't often find a story so interesting before I read it that I feel compelled to e-mail it to myself, but I did with this one on the raid that got bin Laden. So far, twitter loves it, or at least the majority of the 439 people that I follow, anyway. (New Yorker)

Today's Amazingness comes from the Lonely Island. Not sure why I haven't bought this album yet.

Morning Head: Watching the AL's best pitcher is fun

2011-08-01T07:07:00.003-04:00

Emily Blunt, who was the reason Matt Damon wouldn't simply follow the plan laid out for him in "The Adjustment Bureau" (interesting premise, not that great of execution). The moral of that story, of course, is that if you run into a girl as hot as Emily Blunt in the men's bathroom, and you're an attractive, single up-and-coming politician, you should probably go ahead and take advantage of that situation. At least that's what I got out of it.

Yes, we took a break from the Morning Head, because the month of July kind of sucks when it comes to sports and I didn't want to deal with it on a daily basis. Early August isn't exactly October or April, but we have a baseball team in a division race and football is oh so close, so we're back. Plus, I like starting things on nice round numbers, and what's better than Aug. 1 and a Monday?

Speaking of that division race, the Tigers stretched their AL Central lead to 2.5 games over the Indians with a 3-2 win against the Angels, in what was probably the most entertaining game of their regular season. You had the rarest of the rare occurrence: home runs by Magglio Ordonez and Carlos Guillen in the same game. Of course, this led to Guillen posing and admiring his shot -- tough to blame him, he doesn't get many chances these days -- which pissed off Jered Weaver, who yelled at Guillen then threw at Alex Avila's head to get kicked out of the game. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a fan of taunting (well, sometimes I am), but I don't know if I'll ever understand how throwing a baseball at someone's head equals taunting after a home run. Hurting someone's pride is a little different than possibly physically harming their head. But whatever, this game was truly about Justin Verlander, the American League's best pitcher, and I'm not even sure you can make an argument against it anymore. Verlander took a no-hitter into the eighth, and I really think that if he had been able to get over the silly unwritten rules and stopped worrying about Eric Aybar's bunt attempt, he might have finished it off. But we've reached the point with Verlander where it's a disappointment if he doesn't take a no-no into at least the fifth inning (he's done that four times this year) or hit triple digits on the gun in the eighth inning. It's not often you get to watch a truly dominant athlete at the top of his game, but we're fortunate enough to have that this summer, and it's awesome. (DetNews)

The Detroit Lions continue to make *gasp* smart moves in free agency, signing linebacker Stephen Tulloch to a one-year deal worth $3.25 million. Tulloch was the second-leading tackler in the NFL a year ago, and playing behind Ndamukong Suh, Nick Fairley and company should only make him better. No, the Lions didn't sign a flashy cornerback, but with a strong front seven, spending a lot of money on corners seems silly. A corner's best friend, after all, is a great pass rush, and the Lions figure to have that squared away. (Freep)

Plaxico Burress will be a Jet this season. On the list of free-agent moves that will impact the standings in the NFL, this ranks pretty low. Burress is in his mid-30s and missed the last two seasons because he wasn't smart enough to realize that a gun in the waistband of your sweatpants isn't all that safe. If he catches 500 yards worth of passes this year for the Jets, I'll be surprised. (NY Times)

Unlike their NFL counterparts, NBA players have a bit of leverage in the lockout talks. That leverage is "fuck you, I'm going overseas." Kobe Bryant is apparently talking with teams in China to play next season, as the NBA doesn't look very close to getting a deal done and starting this year on time. Kobe will score 100 points in a game in China, I guarantee that. (Yahoo!)

Congress and the White House have come to a deal on the debt ceiling, which is apparently hated by everyone. This, of course, shouldn't have taken this long to hammer out and really shouldn't have even needed hammering out. The answer to the question, "should we pay off our outstanding debts" should always be a resounding yes, but there was a chance to play some political games, so why wouldn't we take advantage of that. And make no mistake about it folks, the reason this took so long was there's a significant enough faction of Tea Party members in Congress who decided what they wanted and weren't going to budge. They, along with everyone else in Washington, will justifiably take shit for this, because if we can't agree on simple things like whether or not we should pay bills that we've already approved the spending for, chances are not much is ever going to get done. (TPM)

Today's Amazingness is Foster The People, "Pumped Up Kicks":

Derelictable Top 25: No. 21 Mississippi State

2011-07-21T09:37:00.003-04:00

This is the Derelictable College Football Top 25. This is exactly how the Top 25 will look at the end of the season. We swear. Today's entry: No. 21 Mississippi State.

You remember Mississippi State, the team that finished Rich Rodriguez's tenure at Michigan by embarrassing the Wolverines in the Gator Bowl. The 52-point outburst we all saw, however, was a great deviation from the mean of this Mississippi State team, which wound up averaging 29 points, good for 48th nationally.

The key to the offense is Chris Relf, the solid, but not yet spectacular senior quarterback, who showed in the Michigan game that he has serious potential to run a dynamic offense. Remember, last year was just the second for Relf and the Bulldogs under Dan Mullen, who is one of the top up-and-coming coaches in the country. And in that second year, he threw 13 touchdowns to one interception. He also rushed for six. That's incredible efficiency from the quarterback position. Now he's a senior in Year 3 with Mullen (the oft-cited "jump" year). If he makes that jump, the Bulldogs offense (which returns eight starters) could join the defense as a top 25 unit, and propel this team to contention in the ridiculously stacked SEC West.

As for the defense, which allowed 19.9 points a game last year -- 21st in the nation and, remarkably, third in the SEC -- seven players return, and they're at the front and back. The entire starting secondary is back, as are three of the four starting defensive linemen from a year ago. The Bulldogs will be replacing all of the linebackers in their 4-3 scheme, but with the experience in front of and behind them, that shouldn't be too big of an issue.

Why they could be lower: If Relf doesn't make that jump and the Bulldogs don't become a dangerous offense, they might struggle to win a lot of games in the SEC West. Everything points to that jump happening, but him just being efficient won't be enough on a team that's replacing all of its linebackers. Yes, the defense will still be good, but having a top-15 run defense again is going to be a tall task with all of those replacements in the front seven.

Why they could be higher: Relf, Relf, Relf. Noticing a theme here? Quarterbacks are the key at a lot of schools and on a lot of football teams, but here we have a guy that's proven he can keep the ship afloat and make the plays his team needs to be good. If his team's going to take the next step, Relf needs to seriously breakout and start putting up big numbers, not just solid and efficient ones. I'm not saying he has to be Mullens' next Tim Tebow, but if he can put up a 25-TD season in the air, Mississippi State has the team around him to be in the SEC conversation. Seriously.

Schedule: It's brutal. It's an SEC West schedule, so it's all about timing of games and where they're at. In Mississippi State's case, it gets LSU in a real tough spot -- five days after playing at Auburn -- although it is at home. The Bulldogs get Alabama a week after playing Tennessee-Martin, and that one's at home, as well. The Arkansas game is on the road, however, and the week after Alabama. Georgia and South Carolina, arguably the top two SEC East teams this year, are also on the schedule, but both come after relatively easy tests, and South Carolina is at home. I feel like this team could go 8-4 against this schedule and crack the top 25, but a three-loss regular season isn't out of the question. Then again, so is a five- or six-loss one.

Derelictable Top 25: No. 22 Arizona State

2011-07-20T09:26:00.005-04:00

This is the Derelictable College Football Top 25. This is exactly how the Top 25 will look at the end of the season. We swear. Today's entry: No. 22 Arizona State.

Look at this fucking guy. Vontaze Burfict is an on-field reason to watch Arizona State football games. This is a big change from previous years, when the only reason to watch was for candid shots of drunk co-eds in the crowd.

Burfict not only has an incredible nose for the ball, but he also has zero regard for human life. He's 6-3, 255 and runs a 4.6-second 40-yard dash. This is a remarkably entertaining combination. And as good as Burfict is, he somehow manages to overshadow his teammates, who help to make up possibly the best linebacking core in the country. Remarkably, they all went to the same high school. Brandon Magee and Shelly Lyons are also products of Centennial High in Corona, Calif., with Magee and Lyons graduating the year before Burfict.

Take a look at the Class of 2009 from Centennial. Un-fucking-real. Think of your high school football team. Think of the best team you played. Now think of that team getting anally raped by Burfict and Taylor Martinez.

But anyway, that linebacking core is at the heart of what should be a game-changing defense. The numbers weren't overwhelming in a positive way last year, as the Sun Devils were 55th nationally in scoring defense (25 ppg) and 57th in total defense (364.9 ypg). It was the nation's 16th best rushing defense, however.

The offense was top 30 nationally in scoring and yardage, but a -6 turnover margin helped lead to a 6-6 record and no bowl game. That might not get much better, at least on the offensive end as the Sun Devils will be playing with a new starter in Brock Osweiler as Steven Threet -- yes, that Steven Threet -- retired from football because he's had too many concussions. I blame Burfict, who is known to cause concussions with a well-placed stare. Osweiler will benefit from an experienced offensive line and veteran running back (Cameron Marshall).

Why they could be lower: Osweiler. It's really that simple. If teams are allowed to stack the box and shut down that experienced run game and Osweiler can't make them pay for it, the defense is going to be on the field a lot and put in situations that not even Burfict can get them out of. The receivers are talented seniors, but neither have starting experience. That could make Osweiler's job a little bit more difficult.

There's also the relative inexperience on the defensive line, where just one of four starters returns. It's their job to free up those talented linebackers to make plays. The positive with them is that they're mostly upper classmen (three seniors to go along with a sophomore), and they're several years into a college weight training program.

Why they could be higher: Like USC, Arizona State gets the benefit of playing in the weak Pac-12 South. It also gets USC and Arizona, the division's other top teams, at home. But I'll get more into that in the schedule section. If Arizona State is a Top 25, or even Top 20 team, it will be because of the defense. When you have dominant, versatile linebackers, you have some serious flexibility in what you can do defensively. Plus, there's the experience in the run game. We've seen a lot of teams do much better than No. 22 with a great defense and a productive run game.

Schedule: After opening with UC Davis, the Sun Devils hit the make-or-break portion of their season. They host Missouri, travel to Illinois, host USC and Oregon State and travel to Utah and Oregon. There's a chance they could lose all of those games, and be sitting at 1-6 before their bye week. If that's the case, Dennis Erickson will be gone and the team will likely miss out on the postseason again. I think there's a decent chance they could navigate that stretch with just one or two losses -- Missouri is also breaking in a new quarterback, Illinois is coached by Ron Zook, USC has its own issues, Oregon State is pretty much only dangerous in Corvallis and Utah is likely in for a rude awakening having to play BCS opponents every week. One loss in that stretch likely sets ASU up with a spot in the Pac-12 championship game. Two losses could do the same. Either way, they're looking at the possibility of a three-loss regular season and a very good bowl game.

Derelictable Top 25: No. 23 USC

2011-07-19T12:51:00.003-04:00

This is the Derelictable College Football Top 25. This is exactly how the Top 25 will look at the end of the season. We swear. Today's entry: No. 23 USC.

When I put USC at No. 23 and started preparing to write this post, I did under the impression that Matt Barkley missed a decent amount of time last year, hence the 8-5 record. Well, turns out Barkley only missed one whole game (Notre Dame) and missed a good chunk of another (Oregon State). He took the majority of the rest of the snaps last season for the Trojans. Sure, had he played, there's a decent chance the Trojans might have been able to beat Notre Dame. Mitch Mustain was not very good that day, and the Trojans lost by just four points, but it was rainy and miserable in that one, too. The Oregon State game wouldn't have mattered at all. The Trojans were spanked in that one.

So what makes me think a team that was talented but poorly coached and conditioned last year, lost three starters on the offensive line and is still facing scholarship restrictions will show enough improvement this year to jump back into the Top 25? Schedule. Well, that and the amount of talent that's still in Los Angeles.

The Trojans get the privilege of playing this season in the PAC-12 South, a league that barely rivals the Mountain West that new member Utah is coming from. Also, seven home games for the Trojans, all of which are winnable. That's good, because four of the five road games could be losses.

Why they could be lower: I think I mentioned some of the problems with this team earlier, but I think the biggest issue would be attrition. Every team in the NCAA will face some form of it, but because of the NCAA scholarship limits the Trojans are dealing with, they are more susceptible to it than most others. Not only is USC projected to start three new offensive lineman this year (two of them sophomores), but there are two freshmen on the two-deep. Two of the three projected second-string linebacker spots are also filled by freshmen. And the aforementioned Barkley, who has an injury history and will be playing behind this patch-work offensive line? He's backed up by a freshman.

Yes, all of these freshmen are talented, but it's rare for multiple freshman to come in and make an immediate impact for a team, especially on the offensive line and the front seven.

Why they could be higher: Barkley has one hell of a group of offensive weapons at his disposal. Sophomore receiver Robert Woods is electric, and will not only move into the void left by Ronald Johnson, but should wind up being better, maybe this year. Freshmen George Farmer and Kyle Prater (redshirt) make the receiving core incredibly dangerous, even if it's incredibly inexperienced. And don't sleep on running back Marc Tyler. He's not the game-breaking type the Trojans have had with Reggie Bush and Joe McKnight, but his combination of size and speed will do well to keep defenses honest and give those talented receivers some room to roam. As for the defense, it was bad last year (400.1 ypg allowed), but it does return eight players who saw time as starters, and in Year 2 of Monte Kiffin's defense, you'd think they'll be better.

Schedule: As mentioned, the Trojans get a break because of their conference schedule. The only PAC-12 South loss I would project for them is Arizona State, and that's really only because I'm in love with Vontaze Burfict and am probably severely overrating the Sun Devils. The nonconference schedule is more challenging than most schools, as the Trojans remain one of three schools (along with UCLA and Notre Dame) that do not play FCS opponents. The three nonconference opponents (Minnesota, Syracuse and Notre Dame) are all BCS opponents, even if the first two don't really project to be all that difficult to deal with. Arizona and Stanford could be tough home games, but I'm not incredibly enamored with either of these teams. The other nice part about USC's schedule is that the tough games aren't all bunched together like Michigan State's schedule. Sure, they get ASU and Arizona back-to-back, as well as Notre Dame and Stanford, but the back end of those are both at home. This looks like a 9-4 type season for the Trojans (playing 13 games during the bowl-banned years, by the way, is brilliant).

Derelictable Top 25: No. 24 Florida

2011-07-14T10:20:00.000-04:00

This is the Derelictable College Football Top 25. This is exactly how the Top 25 will look at the end of the season. We swear. Today's entry: No. 24 Florida.

Let me get this off my chest: I am not a Charlie Weis fan. I was, for a while. Then I realized he simply wasn't head coach material and he overstayed his welcome by a year at Notre Dame. I never wound up doing it, but there were games in his last season with the Irish that I went into thinking I should probably root for them to lose because it would mean the end for him, and be better in the long run for the Irish. That's bad.

All that being said, it's going to be really fucking weird seeing him wearing Florida blue and orange this fall. While the Irish and Gators never met on the field in Weis' tenure, the Gators were known for stealing away Notre Dame commitments, especially at positions of need -- Justin Trattou and Omar Hunter, I'm looking at you. Florida was always the anti-Notre Dame to Irish fans, the new Miami, if you will. Florida was loose academically (we had no proof of this), the arrest capital of college football (this is true, and yes, I'm going to willfully ignore Michael Floyd forever and ever) and most certainly doing something shady. We, of course, were blocking out the fact it was a warmer, had hotter girls and was 10-million times as good in the past decade.

So while we totally wanted Charlie to get the fuck out, that doesn't mean we weren't going to get a little pissed when he went to certain schools. USC, was obviously one of those schools. And Michigan. And probably Michigan State. Those are all on-field rivals, and obvious. But Florida, for some reason, seemed the most odd and spiteful. At the same time, good luck with that running game, Gators.

As far as football goes, Weis is probably the best thing that could have happened to John Brantley outside of pissing in a fountain next to Peyton Manning. He was, how do I put this lightly, shit-tastic last year. Really, that's lightly. Ten touchdowns and nine picks is not a good way to follow up The Tebow. He was the second-most hated man in Florida last year, behind Steve Addazio (Ron Zook will always be No. 1).

Brantley is Will Muschamp's saving grace, no matter what happens. If he plays well, Florida wins games. If he doesn't and Florida loses, Muschamp gets a free pass because John Brantley was his quarterback, and thank fucking god he'll be gone next year.

Why they could be lower: Inexperience is going to be an issue for the Gators, who return nine starters, total from last year's team. That's not normal for a team full of ridiculously good talent that just went 8-5. Normally you'd think youth was the issue on a team like Florida, but, well, Brantley and Addazio. Like Michigan State, Florida is replacing three of its offensive lineman. Also, one of its returning starters is Trey Burton, who will play fullback this year after playing some quarterback in spots a year ago. Oh yeah, their coach has also never been a head coach. So, yeah, inexperience.

Why they could be higher: Speed. A ton of fucking speed. Sure, this is nothing new for an SEC team or for Florida, but if Weis realizes how to properly utilize Chris Rainey and Jeff Demps this season, the Florida offense might not need Brantley to be all that good. The problem, of course, is Weis inability to build a run game. Of course, he never had two guys who run sub-4.3 40s.

Schedule: It's an SEC schedule, so it will be brutal. Even though the Gators are in the East, they crossover and play Alabama, LSU and Auburn (not as good this year, no, but still the defending state champion). The East also figures to be tougher this season as Georgia and South Carolina are teams on the upswing. So is Florida State, which the Gators close the season with. There are five very losable games on this schedule, and a couple others that certainly aren't gimmes. But despite last year's 8-5 record, Florida still has a team that has more talent than most any other team it will be on the field with. I think that's good enough for another 8-5 year, and with that schedule and a late surge, I think that's good enough to put Florida in the Top 25.

Derelictable Top 25: No. 25 Michigan State

2011-07-13T12:00:00.003-04:00

This is the Derelictable College Football Top 25. This is exactly how the Top 25 will look at the end of the season. We swear. Today's entry: No. 25 Michigan State.

When we last left the Michigan State Spartans, they were getting curb-stomped by Alabama in the Capital One Bowl. It wasn't a pretty way to go out, but there were two realizations I came to thanks to that game: 1. We realized the Spartans weren't as good as their 11-1 regular-season record indicated; 2. Michigan State fans I talked to seemed to realize this as soon as the matchup was announced.

I'm trying to balance these two things with the fact bowl games are often overrated when looking at how it will impact next season. Is Michigan State among the elite teams in the country? No, and it's not even close. But I think we knew that. But the Spartans are definitely trending toward being a consistent Top 25 team, which hasn't happened since the 1950s.

The last time Michigan State finished in the Top 25 in consecutive years was 1989-90. But under Mark Dantonio, the Spartans have played in four straight bowl games for the first time since then. Yes, they've lost all of those, but that probably has more to do with the fact the Big Ten isn't as good as its bowl game tie-ins and its teams often wind up playing against SEC teams or higher-placing teams from other conferences (I'm not excusing the Big Ten from bad bowl performances, by the way. Just because this is happening doesn't mean it should be).

This is a long-winded way of saying this: Michigan State still isn't a top 15 team, but it's not the same Michigan State Kirk Herbstreit called out in the 2006 collapse against Notre Dame. They're on the verge of being a consistently tough team.

Why they could be lower: Really, I probably have Michigan State lower than any preseason/prediction poll you'll see, but I think the only way they're lower than this would be if that inconsistency creeps back in. The offensive line is losing three starters, which will be tough for a team that ran the ball as well as Michigan State did last year. Also, the Spartans were 4-0 in tight games last year. That's always a good thing, and especially for Michigan State fans, but that's hard to duplicate in college football. If Michigan State was coming off a 7-6 season as opposed to an 11-2 one, I'm not writing about them at all in this countdown.

Why the could be higher: Kirk Cousins. Experience at the quarterback position is huge, and it's going to be amazingly huge for the Spartans this year considering the offensive-line turnover. Even with Russell Wilson transferring into the league, Cousins is the best quarterback in the Big Ten (sorry, Michigan fans, until Denard can get past the first read, it's not him). Add in Edwin Baker and Le'Veon Bell both being back, and we might barely notice the new offensive linemen. Oh yeah, there's also this Keshawn Martin guy who is a truly explosive player, and could become one of the country's best playmakers.

Schedule: MSU's schedule -- outside of the early cupcakes -- is incredibly front-loaded. Notre Dame (week 3), Ohio State (week 5), Michigan (week 7), Wisconsin (week 8) and Nebraska (week 9) all come before November. That's five potential losses, with games at Iowa and Northwestern still on the schedule. Michigan State has never been known for mental toughness, and starting the season 3-5 could (and would) be disastrous. I don't think that will happen, but I do think the Spartans go 2-3 in that stretch, and finish the regular season 8-4. This time, they'll win a bowl game, and sneak into the final Top 25 at 9-4.

Welcome back to the world

2011-07-05T07:19:00.001-04:00

You're excused if you feel like this cat this morning, and the dove is your alarm clock after a beautiful three-day weekend.

Welcome back to the real world, folks.

Local papers struggling with Wings coverage

2011-07-01T10:45:00.005-04:00

NHL free agency is about an hour away, yet you wouldn't know it looking at the websites of our local newspapers.

That is the sports section of DetNews.com as of 10:45 a.m. You'll notice there's not even a Red Wings headline in there, despite the fact the Wings figure to be major players in today's festivities. Apparently a feature on Darrelle Revis is more important.

There is new happening as we speak. The Wings have signed Patrick Eaves to a three-year deal for $1.2 million. Don't look for that on the Free Press or News websites, though, because you won't find it.

Here's what the Freep sports section looked like at 10:50 a.m., after the Eaves deal was done. That would have been a quick turnaround, so maybe the Freep twitter page could help me out. Um, nope. Not even a retweet of Craig Custance.

There's no real shame in getting beat to a story by a guy like Custance, who is as plugged in as any other, especially when it comes to the Red Wings. But neither paper of record has done anything remotely close to informing its readers of what's happening today.

We live in a digital age, and we're in a time of the year when there's not much going on in the world of sports. There should be enough manpower at a paper that sent two photographers to Jobbie Nooner to set up a live blog or some kind of updateable story that tells us when the Wings have re-signed a player, or when one of their main targets is wrapped up by a divisional foe.

We don't need front-page headlines on the website (although, both sites could manage that) or updates on what kind of coffee Ken Holland is drinking, but doing nothing is easily the worst course of action.

UPDATE: Ted Kulfan has a blog post about Eaves signing. The only reason I found this was because On The Wings tweeted it.

Who will be the new Red Wings?

2011-06-30T17:12:00.006-04:00

UPDATE: The Sabres have signed Christian Ehrhoff, so there's that. See bottom of post for more on that.

At noon on Friday, NHL free-agency will begin, and unlike the last two years when the Red Wings were relatively quiet on the free-agent front, they'll be big-time players this year.

The Wings have $16,207,955 in cap space, which is a great number for a team that really only needs to add about two or three pieces. Of course, not all of that money will go to bidding on big-time free agents. Look for the Wings to wrap up deals with Patrick Eaves, Drew Miller and Jonathan Ericsson, and perhaps even Chris Osgood. Eaves and Miller will no doubt be greeted with open arms by Wings fans, as they are both guys you can get for around $1 million or a little under and they'll shore up the fourth line.

Ericsson is a lightning rod for Red Wings fans, because we realize that he's still young for a defenseman, and he has a lot of potential. We just question whether or not he has the brain to be a consistently good defenseman in the NHL. So far, he's shown that the answer is no, although, again, he's young. I would not be against the Wings re-signing Ericsson for something around a $2 million cap hit. is that realistic? Not sure, but I think that's fair value. If he wants to hit the open market and a team wants to give him $3 million or more a year, then so be it.

Osgood shouldn't demand more than $1 million a year, and with Jimmy Howard as solid as he is between the pipes now (if you aren't yet sold on Jimmy, I don't know what to tell you) that's a good amount to be spending on a backup goaltender. Ozzie also brings a wealth of experience to the team, and he's comfortable in the backup role, helping out the younger netminder in Howard.

With those signings, the Wings are looking at about $11 million in cap space. I'm going to go conservative and say it could even be $10 million.

So what next? The first two players the Wings should target are Christian (Travis) Ehrhoff and James Wisniewski. They're the top two defenseman on the market, and it sounds like both would be willing to come to Detroit (most hockey players would). Chances are signing both of them will be slim, as they'll both command about $5 million or maybe more on the open market. The Wings will end up with one of these two, I would bet my house (that I don't really own, but whatever) on it.

I'm not sure which I'd rather have. I think I lean toward Ehrhoff because he's been a consistent point-producing defenseman. That's splitting hairs, however, because Wisniewski is certainly on an upswing and is coming off a career year points wise. Either way, pencil in a $5-6 million cap hit for either one of those two.

Again, I'll play it safe and say it's $6 million, leaving the Wings $4 million to spend. Here's where it gets tricky. Does Ken Holland decide he's happy with his forwards and spend the $4 million on another defenseman like Ian White (this is my personal favorite scenario), or does he spend on another forward who can add something to the third line and take a lower-level defenseman?

Do you go after a guy like Joel Ward with a $2 or $2.5 million offer, and hope his playoff performance hasn't inflated his ego? This could allow you to make a run at a guy like Andy Greene, a solid but not elite defenseman, who is from Trenton and would likely sign in Detroit for around $1.5 million a season.

There's also the Jaromir Jagr question. As of this posting, the prolific winger is not signed with anyone (it looks like it's coming down to the Red Wings or the Penguins). How much will he command? Could he be signed for $3 million? Will it take $4 million? I personally am not a fan of bringing in Jagr for one year if it's going to cost that much. If he just wants to be back in the NHL and take one more run at a cup and will play for $2 million, then yes, sign him up. Otherwise, I think those other options are better.

Whichever way the Wings decide to go, it should make for an interesting start to the holiday weekend.

Addendum: With Ehrhoff being signed by the Buffalo Sabres, that leaves the Wisniewski as easily the biggest free agent defenseman on the market. Him being from Canton helps the Wings, but now he can demand even more money, which means it's going to be tough to get him and White (whose price tag is also now going to go up). It might be a situation where the Wings opt for White and a guy like Greene, or Wisniewski, a low-level forward and hope Brendan Smith is ready. Either way, not a fan of this Ehrhoff news.

Is Hokeamania real?

2011-06-27T10:26:00.005-04:00

Michigan fans are in love. They're absolutely smitten.

After three years of Rich Rodriguez committing essentially every crime you can against a tradition-rich Midwest program (losing, recruiting midgets, bringing the NCAA to town, losing), Michigan fans were a downtrodden bunch. The fact they weren't able to close the deal with native son Jim Harbaugh, and that it took much longer than it should have to hire Hoke, a guy who would have crawled from San Diego on broken glass to coach there, didn't help.

But in a six-month span, without having coached a single game at the Big House, Brady Hoke has turned Michigan fans' frown upside down.

Why? The man -- and his staff -- are bringing in a damn fine recruiting class. There's no better way to make a fanbase forget about past on-field failures and fill them with giddy optimism than to snag some four-star players. And when you're at Michigan, especially after what has happened the last three years, you better snag every stud player in the state -- which Hoke has done.

So is this real? Are we really witnessing a turnaround of Michigan's fortunes before the team even steps on the field? Yes, we are (kind of).

Michigan has always been a recruiting giant, and it's on that same path again. It's alumni network stretches across the country and kids everywhere know Michigan. More importantly, it's a giant in the Midwest, where it only has to share giant status with two other schools -- Ohio State and Notre Dame. Since Notre Dame does most of its recruiting nationally, and has historically pulled from Catholic school around the country, Michigan has long fought almost solely with Ohio State for recruits from the region. Of course, Michigan State has made a little run when it came to in-state talent as of late, which didn't sit well with the Wolverine faithful, so to have a lock on the state again is being considered a victory.

Michigan has also been doing pretty well on a grander scale. It pulled in a high four-star lineman from California and a four-star lineman out of SEC country. That's not an easy task. The Wolverines are also considered to be sitting well with another highly-rated lineman, this one from Arizona.

Michigan is bringing in one heck of a class, there's no question about that.

Before we crown Hoke as the next Urban Meyer/Nick Saban/Pete Carroll of the recruiting world, however, we should probably wait another cycle. Hoke stepped into one hell of a situation for Michigan in recruiting. Outside of the two lineman I mentioned, the class of 18 is almost exclusively made up of kids from Michigan and Ohio. And the two that aren't are from Illinois and Kentucky.

It's an above average year for Midwest recruiting, which is helping the class. But you could make the argument this recruiting class is a lot more about Michigan being Michigan than it is about Hoke or even Greg Mattison. Kids from Michigan want to go to Michigan. Rodriguez still recruited the state, but not as hard as the school has in the past, mainly because the type of athlete we have here didn't match the profile he was looking for.

Hoke wants big Midwestern linemen and big Midwestern linebackers and midget corners from Cass Tech. All is well with the world again.

Throw in the fact that recruiting rival No. 1 is about to get hit with the NCAA banhammer, and you've got yourself one hell of a class without trying all that hard (and Hoke is trying, which is why the Wolverines are at a Texas-like 18 in June).

As long as Hoke and Co. aren't awful on the field, Michigan should continue to recruit well in the Midwest, while pulling the occasional big-time prospect from other parts of the country. If this sounds exactly like the Lloyd Carr days, it's because it is exactly like the Lloyd Carr days. But something tells me that after Rodriguez, Michigan fans are OK with that, even if it means a yearly de-pantsing in a bowl game.

So yeah, Hokemania is real. It's a stunning case of "Don't know what you've got till it's gone," but it's real, nonetheless.

Derelictable NHL Awards picks

2011-06-22T12:48:00.003-04:00

Quick Derelictable programming note: The Morning Head may be taking the summer off, and here's why. My schedule has changed a bit, so at the time I would normally be Heading, I'm at work, which makes searching for half-naked girls a lot more scary and quite a bit less fun. Also, summer sucks for bloggers, especially for sports ones. So with a lack of a ton of material and a schedule that has not only changed, but will also include a handful of long weekends (like this past one) and a new baby, I'm putting the Morning Head on hold until the fall. Don't worry, I'll still be blogging, and I may pull out an occasional Morning Head if there's enough news to warrant it. But for the next couple of months, expect more posts that concentrate on one topic. Like this one. Also, I realize this wasn't that quick.

Tonight, Jay Mohr will embarrass himself by telling awful jokes and showing us he has zero knowledge when it comes to hockey. This will also embarrass the NHL, which will prove that it can't get anyone better than Jay Mohr to host its awards show. (For the love of God, Bettman, call Vince Vaughn.)

Oh yeah, they'll also hand out awards. Here's who's going to win them.

Vezina
Candidates: Roberto Luongo, Tim Thomas, Pekka Rinne
The Winner: Thomas. Timmy Fawkin Thomas not only was dominant in the playoffs, he was also huuuge for the Bruins in the regular season. He led the league in save percentage (.938) and goals-against (2.00), and was second in shutouts (nine). While Rinne helped hold together a lesser team than the other two, and Luongo led the league in wins, it's Thomas who has been the league's best goaltender all season.

Selke
Candidates: Pavel Datsyuk, Ryan Kesler, Jonathan Toews
The Winner: Kesler. As much as we love Pavel Datsyuk, this award will go to Kesler this season. He's definitely deserving, but this will be more about the fact that he had an incredible offensive season, and writers will be willing to recognize him as being as much a part of the Canucks success as the Sedins.

Calder
Candidates: Logan Couture, Michael Grabner, Jeff Skinner
The Winner: Couture. Skinner had seven more points (eight more assists), but that's about it. Skinner, rightfully, got a ton of attention this year for being the youngest player in the all-star game and doing as well as he did this season in Carolina, where he can't be overshadowed by stars. Couture was better, though. He played on a better team and had more help, but he scored one more goal than Skinner (in three less games), logged more ice time and had nearly 40 more shots. He was so good, I didn't realize he was a rookie until the playoffs started.

Norris
Candidates: Nick Lidstrom, Zdeno Chara, Shea Weber
The Winner: Lidstrom. Yes, he had a minus rating for the first time in his career (-2), but that was rather deceiving. Lidstrom had one of his best seasons, and was again the steadying force on the Wings blue line while many around him were struggling with injuries.

Adams
Candidates: Dan Bylsma, Barry Trotz, Alain Vigneault
The Winner: Bylsma. To not have Jordan Staal for the first half of the season, then to lose Evgeni Malkin and Sidney Crosby in the second half and still make it to Game 7 in the first round of the playoffs as the four seed against the Lightning? Yeah, I'd say he did alright.

Hart
Candidates: Corey Perry, Daniel Sedin, Martin St. Louis
The Winner: Perry. What he did at the end of the season to put the Ducks on his back and get to the playoffs was amazing.

Morning Head: This Rory kid is alright

2011-06-20T09:37:00.004-04:00

Erin Heatherton says happy Monday.

Apologies for the absence recently. Work and a wedding put a damper on last week's blogging. But I'm back and bringing the heat, at least until my wife has this baby, then I'll probably disappear for a while, because it may be frowned upon if I'm looking for pictures of girls in bikinis or lingerie while my wife is taking care of our child. Maybe not.

BREAKING: Nick Lidstrom is coming back. This is awesome for several reasons. One, the best defenseman ever is coming back for another season with the Red Wings. Two, I really think this will help lure a big-time free-agent defenseman with the Brian Rafalski money the Wings now have laying around. If you're a younger defenseman, is there anyone you'd rather play next to? No. Should be interesting to hear what he re-signed for. Frankly, I don't care what it was, it's worth it. (Red Wings)

I listened to much of the final round of the U.S. Open on the radio, which, as you could guess, isn't all that exciting. Sean McDonough was the main announcer, so that helped, because it made me think of college football season, but golf wasn't meant for the radio. When you throw in the fact that the only thing in doubt after the first hole on the final day was how badly Rory McIlroy would destroy the field, I'm lucky I didn't fall asleep. But I was into it. I like McIlroy, and there's a big part of me that hopes this the beginning of a Tiger-like run for him. I don't know if he's going to do it, because golf is a funny game, but what he's done in the last two majors (not counting the final round collapse at Augusta, of course) is ridiculous. Golf could use someone like him, a personable, marketable, dominant force. (Devil Ball Golf)

It seems we've found a serious flaw in Justin Verlander's game: He can't hit. So, if the Tigers ever get moved to the National League, well, it wouldn't even matter then. He's still a light's-out pitcher, and currently one of the best in the majors. The Tigers are still in second place, a game back of the Indians, but that's not going to last much longer than the All-Star break. (DetNews)

Jackass star Ryan Dunn died in a car accident early this morning. That's sad news, but it really is amazing that he's the first one of these guys to die, and that it was a car accident that ended up killing him. (TMZ)

Jon Stewart went on FOX News Sunday with Chris Wallace and had to explain to Wallace that he's different than him, and Comedy Central is different than FOX, MSNBC and other cable news channels. Stewart is a comedian who does political commentary. This isn't that hard to understand. (Poynter)

Today's Amazingness, Mumford and Sons, "Roll Away Your Stone":

Morning Head: Thank you, Luongo. No, really

2011-06-14T10:18:00.004-04:00

At the request of one of our most loyal readers, here's Berenger Rose. She's a model for ZOO, so I'm assuming it won't be long until there are other pictures of her without that pesky bikini.

Boston destroyed Vancouver last night, and forced a Game 7 in the Stanley Cup Final. Roberto Luongo was hilariously bad in the first period, and didn't make it out of the first nine minutes. I have no idea why he's so bad in Boston in this series. I actually asked a goaltender that I know that question, and his response was: "Haha!! I love it." Insightful. But, thanks to Luongo, we have another hockey game to watch this year, and it's for all the marbles. It's the first Stanley Cup Final Game 7 since, gee, I can't really remember the last one. I'd love to say that Luongo struggles again in this one, but unless TD Bank buys Rogers Centre in the next 24 hours, I don't think that's going to happen. Although, Vancouver's strategy of simply not showing up for three of the seven finals games could backfire, as a red-hot Tim Thomas could be enough in a one-game series. (Boston.com)

So, who got their Tigers magnet schedule at the beginning of the year and circled the mid-June series against the Indians as the biggest of the year to date? Didn't think so. But that's where we're at now, after the Tigers beat the Rays in a shady fashion and remained tied atop the AL Central standings. The Indians are struggling mightily right now, and this is a series the Tigers should win. (DetNews)

The Pistons are still looking for a coach, and one of the guys on their wish list is a Rick Carlisle assistant. There's something ridiculously strange about that. (Freep)

Cliff Harris is fast. He also, apparently, drives really fast. The Oregon defensive back/return man was pulled over for driving at 118 MPH while on a suspended license. Well done, Cliff, that's almost a hat trick. What's that? In a car rented by a university employee? *Tosses hat over the glass* (USA Today)

Republican presidential hopefuls took part in their first real debate last night (the FOX one earlier was more of a sideshow than a debate), and the winner was Michele Bachmann (!). No, seriously, I saw that somewhere. I didn't watch, there were sports on, and I'm not voting for any of these clowns. Mitt Romney also handled himself well, I heard, but benefited most from not having any of the other hopefuls attack him. Perhaps they've all realized that he's the only electable one of the bunch. The big loser? CNN, which continues to lose integrity. Johnny Cash of Elvis? American Idol or Dancing With the Stars? Really? Fuck you, John King. Also, there's no way Bachmann could have won that debate if she answered both to the Cash or Elvis question. (Time)

Today's Amazingness is celebrities getting tasered. Yeah, I'm running out of amazingness:

Afternoon Head: Awesome

2011-06-13T14:30:00.004-04:00

This is Zuleyka Rivera, who is making sure that JJ Barea would have been happy no matter what happened in the NBA Finals. Shit, I'm happy just knowing that she exists and there are photographs of her on the Internet.

So, yeah. Woo. The Mavericks did it. They beat the Miami Heat in Game 6 Sunday night, winning the NBA title and saving us from the celebration of an actual title in Miami. But before I get into the Heat bashing (and link to all of the amazing articles reveling in the schadenfreude), let me acknowledge the Mavericks. We looked at them through the lens of our last hope, more of a chance to save us from the Heat winning than appreciating all of the players on their roster who had never won a title. Dirk Nowitzki gets a lot of deserved praise for what he's done in this playoff year, elevating himself to closer status. I heard Colin Cowherd saying today that Dirk isn't any better than he was in 2006, that players don't get better in their 12th season. Colin Cowherd, not that I need to remind anyone, is an idiot. The Mavericks had pieces around Dirk this year that allowed the Mavericks to win a title. They had pieces in 2006, too. But Dirk is better than he was then, because he's gotten to the point where he's nearly unstoppable on offense, and he's a million times more aggressive. Anyone with a brain and a functioning set of eyes could see that the Dirk we saw through these playoffs had a different attitude than the one we had seen in recent playoff years. But how about Jason Kidd? He's been at it for about 40 years. I remember picking Cal to beat Duke in the NCAA Tournament in 1993 because of him and being ecstatic because I was right. I was 10. I'm now nearing 30, and Jason Kidd is still playing at a high level. Jason Terry, Shawn Marion, Tyson Chandler, Brian Fucking Cardinal. All of these guys have their own interesting story, and unfortunately we were all too caught up in the fact they were beating the Heat, so we didn't take the time to realize it. I suppose that's what the next week's for. (Dallas Morning News)

As for the Heat, oh baby was that awesome. LeBron James became the sports world's biggest villain last summer, and a lot of people were excited that he remains ringless. After the game, of course, he claimed the hate was based on jealousy, and that we all have to wake up to our lives and our problems. I'd love to have LeBron's money. I'd love to have his athleticism. If I had the latter, I'd have the former. I'd also not be the most hated man in sports, because I wouldn't be a pretentious prick. I wouldn't bask in the glory and praise heaped upon myself before I had accomplished anything, and then shrink from the moment and play the jealousy card when I failed to live up to my own hype. We don't hate LeBron because of his greatness, we hate him because of his himness. We love great players, always have. But we don't love people without heart. We don't love people who have had everything handed to them, and then can't accept it when we stop handing it to them. If that makes me a hater, so be it. (Yahoo!)

Oh, hey, Cleveland, go ahead and celebrate. If I could change the font of this blog to Comic Sans, I would. (Yahoo!)

And after all of this excitement, the NBA is almost assuredly about to go away for a while. Maybe a long while. And yes, I realize that linking to a three-day-old Simmons article is essentially like linking to Google, but it worked here. (Grantland)

The Tigers lost Sunday -- losing a pitching matchup between Felix Hernandez and Rick Porcello really doesn't bother me all that much -- but are still tied for first place in the AL Central. This is as winnable as the Central has been since the Tigers became a relevant team again in 2006. (DetNews)

I know I said last week that the Canucks were going to have to win the Stanley Cup in seven games because there was no possible way they were winning in Boston. I stick to that, but there is a very real possibility that the NHL Playoffs will be over with after tonight. That's sad. (Puck Daddy)

Today's Amazingness will remain amazing for at least another year:

Believe it or not, a Mavericks win is in the NBA's best interest

2011-06-10T12:38:00.003-04:00

There's going to be a moment on Sunday night where you're going to scream at the television. You're going to swear that wasn't a foul -- or that was a foul -- and the referees have it in for Dallas, again.

"David Stern hates Mark Cuban," you'll shout.

"The NBA wants LeBron to win a title," you'll yell.

And you'd be right on both counts. David Stern does hate Mark Cuban, I'm sure of this. The NBA does want it's most prolific star to win the title, I'm sure of this.

But LeBron and Wade and Bosh and the Heat winning the NBA title this year is not what's best for the NBA. Not at all. In fact, the best thing that could happen to the league is for Dirk Nowitzki to lift the Larry O'Brien trophy. Not because he's a white superstar (although, sadly, I do think there are people who will really enjoy that), but because the current narrative is one the NBA has to love: Can LeBron win it all? Can this Heat "dynasty" ever come to fruition?

Those questions, especially the first one, have been dominating the sports news cycle for the past week, and they've been on the tip of everyone's tongue since last July, since The Decision split us all into two teams (Go Heat! and Fuck LeBron!).

There's a good chunk of us that want to see the Heat fail. We hate the way this was conceived. We hate the championship celebration that was held before the ink on the contracts were signed. We hate the entitled, whiny presence the Heat have on the court at all times. We hate that a team with 2 1/2 superstars has had Mario Fucking Chalmers hit two buzzer-beating half-court shots in the finals.

We're going to hate forever. We're the group that's going to watch this until the dynasty eventually crumbles. Until LeBron and Dwyane Wade have a falling out and LeBron is forced to leave because Wade has grown sick and tired of carrying him. It would be sweet for us if that moment comes before a championship, but we know that's not very likely. The only thing that is going to stop the Heat from winning it all is a long lockout. They're eventually going to get there, and when they do, there's a decent chance they'll win more than once, which will be fine with the NBA, because people watch dynasties. They either are drawn to their power or, like us, can't wait to see them crumble. Whichever side you fall on, you're watching.

But nothing in the eventual Heat Dynasty era will match what we're seeing now. Nothing will match the anticipation of it happening, the hope that it won't and the wonderful conversation that's coming out of all of this.

If the Heat win, we're right into dynasty-watch mode (to be clear, I'm not saying they're a dynasty, I'm just projecting how we'll view them). If they lose, we get to do this all over again next year. We get to go through a regular season where we question whether or not they have the right point guard to get them to a title. We get to question whether or not they'll have the inside presence to deal with whatever team Dwight Howard ends up with.

And then, as the playoffs move forward and those questions start to look silly, we get to question whether LeBron has it in his makeup to win a title. All over again.

This is the most fun I've had watching basketball since Larry Brown was coaching the Pistons. And I imagine that I can't be alone in that thought, not just with Pistons fans, but with all sports fans. For all of our sake, let's hope we get to do it all over again next year.

Morning Head: You make the call, Schneider or LOLongo

2011-06-09T10:58:00.004-04:00

Here's Mila Kunis, who has a way of sticking in my head for long periods of time. I just watched "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" and was so in love with her by the end of the movie that I was pretty sure I was Jason Segel's character. Then I realized that I wasn't, and I didn't actually make out with and sleep with Mila Kunis and I got upset. So I googled this.

Speaking of Google, Chrome went ahead and updated itself last night, and not much changed, except I was now able to download Angry Birds, which I hear is the most addicting game on the fucking planet. So, I'm sure I'll be real productive from now on.

There are great headlines that are just given to you on a silver platter, like when a congressman with the last name of Weiner sends pictures of his junk to girls over Twitter. Then there are headlines that are great because they're simple, effective and tell the whole story by using words you wouldn't normally see in a headline. "Canucks depantsed, basically," is one of those headlines. It's so, so true and simple it's amazing. The Canucks were depantsed for the second time in three days, and now the Stanley Cup Final is tied at 2. Game 5 is huge, as always, but so much more so for the Canucks. There is no fucking way this team is winning a game in Boston. They basically have one shot in this series, and that's winning in seven games. Of course, Canucks coach Alain Vigneault faces an interesting decision going into the game: Does he start Roberto Luongo, who has been somewhere south of awful in the past two games, or does he go with Corey Schneider, the rookie who has looked solid in limited action this postseason? Since they're going back home, I think you go with Luongo, but an early softie or two will quickly turn those "Looooos" into "booos." Also, the Bruins are just physically and mentally beating the shit out of the Canucks right now, and it's super fun to watch. (The Province)

Speaking of important Game 5s, there's a pretty big one tonight in Dallas. The Mavericks can take their first lead in the NBA Finals and heap a shitload of pressure onto the shoulders of the Heat with a win tonight. Or, the Heat can put the Mavs on the brink of elimination and have two chances to close it out at home. Where the pressure rests after tonight is anybody's guess, but there's no question about where it is going into the game -- on the shoulders of LeBron James. He was nonexistent in Game 4, and that's been talked about a little bit. But what do we see out of him tonight? Does he redeem himself while continuing to play within himself and continue to let Dwyane Wade lead the way? Does he try to take over the game on his own and score 40-plus? Does he try to take over the game and take bad shots? There's a lot going on in his head right now, I'm sure. (Fox Sports)

Former Tiger Jim Northrup died Wednesday at 71. He was from Breckenridge, which was right down the road from where I grew up. He also went to college in my hometown. I also didn't know this until yesterday when I found out he died (that might not be 100% accurate, I'm sure I'd heard that before, but I didn't remember it until yesterday). (DetNews)

A loss to the Rangers isn't the end of the world for the Tigers, who are still 1.5 games back of the Indians in the AL Central. It's really only a matter of time before they're in first place. Also, they finished the MLB Draft yesterday, and the Tigers picked players who were related to Alex Avila, Rod Allen and Mario Impemba, thus proving the last 10-15 rounds of the MLB Draft are 100% pointless. (DetNews)

Oh yeah, the Pistons don't have a coach right now. One thing I disagree with in this column is the one decision can make the difference line. Sure, with a lot of teams that is the case. But with the Pistons, it's been a series of bad coaching and personnel choices by Joe Dumars that has put them where they are today. They're more than just a good coach away. They're also several players away. (Freep)

"Hello, NCAA, welcome to the wonderful Clemson Four Seasons. How long will you be staying with us?" "Um, actually, we've got what we need and we'll be checking out now." That's Clemson commit Mike Bellamy, who apparently has been living under a rock for the past four months. (Twitter)

Today's Amazingness is a few weeks old, but still amazing. It actually took me a while to realize that wasn't really Neil Young:

Afternoon Head: Grantland has hit the Internetz

2011-06-08T09:39:00.004-04:00

Jennifer Love Hewitt is a tennis player. Who knew? Also -- and this is just a rumor that I heard from myself -- that may or may not be the outfit Serena Williams plans to wear when she returns to the tennis court later this month at Wimbledon. It will have to be all white, but still. Stay tuned.

As talk surrounding the release of Grantland.com started a few months ago, I kind of wanted to hate it. I'm a young, small-time writer who thinks he's better than he probably is, so that was human nature. But as it has launched today, I've realized that I really want to love it. It's the kind of writing I love to read the most. Unchained, feature-length pieces on interesting things. Who doesn't like that? It's exactly the kind of thing that I want to be writing but ... (I've writte several things here, all of which could possibly get me fired ... so, moving on). I'm sure there will be pieces that annoy me, and writers that make us all say, "how the fuck does that guy/girl get to write for a site named after one of the greatest of all time?" But I think I'll enjoy it most of the time because I enjoy good writing. I've always been a Bill Simmons fan, even if I don't care for some of his columns, and I'm a big fan of Chris Jones (Klosterman? Eh. Gladwell? No thanks. But I'm willing to have my mind changed there). So I really hope this is good, because it's easier to be a frequent reader than to be a vindictive blogger. (Grantland.com)

There was an NBA Finals game played last night, and LeBron James, um, shrunk form the moment. That's actually not fair to people who have shrunk from moments. LeBron might as well have not showed up for Game 4, a very winnable game for the Heat, who were playing against a fever-ridden Dirk Nowitzki, who was very clearly not himself. Dwyane Wade, as much as I hate him, was unbelievable again. He's a two-way player who, wait for it, asserts himself on both ends of the court. Amazing. What did I say about being a vindictive blogger earlier? I take it all back, this is not only easy, but fun. (Miami Herald)

The Tigers crushed the Rangers again on Tuesday night, moving to within 1.5 games of the Indians and THE BEST RECORD IN THE AMERICAN LEAGUE. Go ahead, read that again. The Tigers, as inconsistent and at times horrible as they have been, have been on enough good streaks to be within a couple of wins of having the best record in the AL. That's amazing to me. I mean, Ryan Raburn is an every day player on this team. Ryan Fucking Raburn. (DetNews)

Kris Draper wants to come back to the Red Wings. A few weeks ago, my response to this would have looked a lot like this. But I've softened in my old age (and with Brian Rafalski's unexpected $6 million salary off the books), and I'm not opposed to Draper coming back. I really don't think having him or not having him is going to make or break this team (especially with the new cap flexibility the Wings have). His on-ice skills are diminished by quite a bit, but he's not totally useless. His leadership skills are excellent, but there are ton of leaders in that locker room. So my new reaction, either way, is, "meh." (DetNews)

This is old news now, but Aaron Rome has justifiably been suspended four games for his cheap hit on Nathan Horton in Game 3 of the Stanley Cup Final. Keith Ballard will take his place tonight, and I really don't think this is going to have a huge effect on the Canucks. The Bruins, meanwhile, are subbing Tyler Seguin for Horton. He definitely has the skill, but he hasn't registered a point since getting two in the first two games against the Lightning. The more interesting story line, though, is how many players decided to stick their fingers in an opposing player's mouth tonight. (Puck Daddy)

Terrelle Pryor is officially no longer at Ohio State, which surprises absolutely nobody. Like, not a single person. Normally when I say, "this surprises nobody" there is at least one person out there who was surprised by it, mostly because of ignorance. Not in this instance. There is not a single, solitary, fucking person who is surprised by this. (Columbus Dispatch)

Today's YouTube Amazingness is really fucking amazing:

Morning Head: A Derelictable flip-flop -- and we're not talking about weiners

2011-06-07T11:13:00.006-04:00

Michelle Hunziker is on TV in Europe. That's good enough for me, I guess.

I don't do this often, but I'm switching teams. Wait, that sounded bad. In the Stanley Cup Final, I'm changing rooting interest. I'm 100% in for Boston right now, which makes me kind of ill to type, but Vancouver has left me with no choice. Last night's 8-1 loss to the Bruins was the most embarrassing performance I've ever seen from a hockey team in a big game. They had it all: Blown the fuck out, cheap shot hit that caused a severe injury, and just general pussiness. I don't know why I was originally rooting for the Canucks, a team I generally dislike. I suppose I got caught up in my mancrush on Ryan Kesler, my love of the Kurtenblog and that girl who flashed her boobs at Ben Eager. I also wanted to be proven right, picking them to win in five games. I'm not ready to say the Bruins are going to win this series, but Games 1 and 2 were as close as you can get in Vancouver, while Game 3 was, well, Game 3. The Bruins will be without Nathan Horton for the remainder ofthe series, and if there's any justice, the Canucks will be without Andy Rome, as well. That's advantage Canucks, but it's still a bit of justice. I'm looking forward to Game 4 on Wednesday night. But until then, enjoy the best graphic ever. (Canucks Army, Boston.com, Mocksession)

I just can't stop watching this:

Tonight is a must-win game for the Dallas Mavericks in the NBA Finals. Can't go down 3-1 to the Heat, because they're never getting out of that hole. But here's what I wanted to get to with this: The outrage from the media (!) after Gregg Doyel asked LeBron James if he was "shrinking from the moment" was ridiculous. LeBron handled it himself, he doesn't need people sticking up for him. But fuck the people that did. How many of those scribes who were chastising LeBron have written a column that was critical of a player without ever asking that player about it? Probably 100%. Doyel knew what he was doing with his column after he watched the game, in his mind, LeBron was deferring to Dwyane Wade late (he was), and was shrinking on the big stage. Whether or not you agree with Doyel goes back to how you really felt about The Decision. If you think that LeBron went to Miami because he was all about winning championships, you think Doyel is a dumbass. If you think LeBron going to Miami killed his chances at grabbing the "best ever" moniker because he basically waved a white flag, then you could probably see Doyel's point. LeBron is held to a higher standard, and he's brought that upon himself. That means that when he says he's a two-way player, he should probably make an impact on both ends, not just the defensive end in crunch time of a big game. In Games 2 and 3, LeBron has either disappeared on offense or settled for jump shots. That's shrinking, even if he is guarding the Mavericks second scoring option. But kudos to Doyel for straight-up asking LeBron what he thought. More columnists should have guts like that. (CBS Sports)

Brennan Boesch led the Tigers offense in quite the display in a 13-7 win against the Rangers. With the win, the Tigers have moved to within 1.5 games of the Indians for first place in the AL Central. This division is so awful this year, that I think everybody in the organization should be fired if the Tigers don't win it. (DetNews)

Bryce Harper is pretty sure he's a badass. I will give him some props for that mustache, though. (The Big Lead)

So, I figured this whole "head coach in waiting" thing would be interesting in West Virginia, considering Bill Stewart hadn't brought Dana Holgorsen in as the HCIW, and the university was basically like, "we don't want to have to buy you out, so we'll keep you until the end of your contract, and then this guy is taking over. He also gets your parking space. And your office. And your tape dispenser." I didn't expect Stewart to stir shit up anonymously in a newspaper, however. Have fun with that, Mountaineer fans. (SportsByBrooks)

Anthony Weiner admitted to that thing he denied a week ago. It turns out, "I got hacked" doesn't always work and people rarely believe you when you say it. It also turns out that if you're a politician named Weiner, you're not above doing things that will create obvious puns. (NY Post)

Today's Amazingness is nothing short of amazing:

Morning Head: Heat choke or Dirk-Gasm?

2011-06-03T10:23:00.003-04:00

Willa Ford, who is the single biggest reason why Mike Modano will retire this offseason. Also, he's old, and was a healthy scratch through the playoffs. But she's not a bad reason, either.

So the headline: Choke or ridiculous comeback? Can I just say both? Is that a puss move? Yes? Fuck it, both. I still had 3/4 of a beer left, so I didn't turn off the television when it was 88-73 with about 6 1/2 minutes to play, but I was tempted to turn the channel. Then the Mavs figured things out. They forced the Heat to take tough shots from the outside instead of just clearing out so Dwyane Wade and LeBron James could continue their two-man slam dunk contest. They also hit shots as the Heat's defense started to crumble. And, of course, Dirk. He scored the final nine points for the Mavs, including a three to give them the lead, and a lefty layup that won it. Also, Wade did this after missing a shot at the buzzer. I really fucking hate that guy. (Miami Herald)

They gave the boys at Kurtenblog a press pass for the Stanley Cup Final. This was a really good idea. (Kurtenblog)

Sakanya Roy spelled cymotrichous correctly to win the National Spelling Bee last night. Oddly enough, Blogger does not realize cymotrichous as a correctly spelled word. *Ding* (Journal-Gazette)

Jack Kevorkian died from natural causes. If you see his death put into words any better than this, let me know. (Freep)

Kid Rock announced that he'll be playing a concert at Comerica Park in August. Either that or he was on hand for Nick Lidstrom to announce his retirement and Chris Chelios to announce his license has been reinstated. (Freep)

Short Head today, but here's some amazingness for your weekend delight:

Morning Head: The Canucks like to score, score, score at the end of regulation

2011-06-02T11:19:00.002-04:00

Did you know that it's impossible to find a picture of Hilary Duff worthy of the Derelict without also bringing up pictures that I'm pretty sure are going to get my laptop confiscated by the FBI? Oh, wait, she's 24 now? Then that's not my fault, that's google's fault.

If last night's game is any indication, Tim Thomas can steal this series for the Boston Bruins. Although, if last night's game is any indication, he'll have to do it by winning 1-0 games. Thomas was brilliant, but Roberto Luongo wasn't too shabby himself as the Canucks won 1-0 on a Raffi Torres goal with about 19 seconds to play. (How many of you got the headline? If you did, you win a free copy of Raffi's greatest hits.) The late goal was set up by a great play by, who else, Ryan Kesler at the blue line. He found Jannick Hansen who waited until the exact right moment to feather a pass to Torres, who simply had the deflect the puck past Thomas (who, amazingly, very nearly got back to get a stick on it). Even though this was a tight game, I'm still sticking with my Canucks in five pick, because when all the jitters of being the favored team playing at home in the Stanley Cup Final wore off, the Canucks out-classed the Bruins. (The Province)

The Tigers may be streaky, but the Twins are flat-out bad, and that gives me a warm feeling in a special place. Sweeping the Twins is awesome. Winning nine straight against the Twins is awesomer. Having Rick Porcello as a pitcher on my fantasy team while he gets the win to sweep the Twins and make it nine straight over them is awesomest. (DetNews)

Game 2 of the NBA Finals is tonight, and a lot of the focus is going to be on a finger on Dirk Nowitzki's non-shooting hand. The beauty of hockey is that 1.) They never disclose injuries; and 2.) They don't have to, because any injury that's not on the face isn't visible. Sure, that doesn't stop teams from whacking at what they think is the injury, but at that point you're just guessing. For Nowitzki, though, all it's going to take is one well-placed swipe at the ball, and that's going to be throbbing. (Dallas News)

Ricky Rubio has signed to play with the Minnesota Timberwolves next year, which probably means the lockout is inevitable, because we all know that Minnesota is not allowed to have anything nice. But seriously, if you team him with Kevin Love and Derrick Williams, the T'Wolves might be onto something. Not like a championship or anything, but perhaps contending for a playoff spot. Eventually. OK, maybe not. (CBS Sports)

Oh, yeah. Shaq retired. That's an auto-play video, by the way, and if you leave it up, it will just go through Shaq's video library. I recommend leaving it up. But where does Shaq rank all-time? He's definitely one of the top five big men of all-time. He also changed the way we looked at big men, because he was huge-normous, and actually had quite a bit of athletic ability. Goodbye, big fella, ~~I was pretty sure you retired three years ago~~ you'll be missed. Well, until you end up on the set of an NBA show. (Twitter)

Apparently Terrelle Pryor's mom bought him his latest car. There are "documents" that "prove" this. I'm really only using quotation marks because I feel like it. This looks legit. But, his license has been suspended, so he should probably stop driving. (Columbus Dispatch)

Ready to have your mind blown? Previously unreleased Area 51 pictures? Previously unreleased Area 51 pictures. (National Geographic)

Today's Amazingness features Rihanna in an outfit that would kill any job interview ever:

In defense of the Decision, the Heat, the LeBron

2011-06-01T12:14:00.006-04:00

First of all, much thanks to The Costanzo for allowing me this chance to contribute to his blog. This is a daily stop of mine, and the chance to add to the lunacy here is one I appreciate.

Last Christmas, my wife and I were at my parents' house. We each have small dogs, who are of similar size and temperments. They did not get along with each other at all, and continuously barked and snapped at one another while occupying the same geographical space. This reminds me of the sporting relationship between Detroit and Cleveland.

Two industrial cities that have fallen on hard times economically. The two cities are very much alike, yet have a strong dislike for one another. Just like the two dogs, one of the dogs wouldn't mind if something bad happened to the other.

Which meant that I giggled like a little girl back on July 8 when LeBron James delivered the biggest kick in the nuts an athlete had ever delivered to a city in which he played, when he announced he would be leaving the Cleveland Cavs to play for the Miami Heat.

"The Decision" was one of the most ridiculed acts an athlete has ever done in public. I say, it should be one of the gutsiest and most respected things an athlete has done. LeBron made the conscious decision to go from being beloved in his hometown and the nation, to being hated by 99 percent of sports fans in the country. While doing so, he sacrificed a good amount of salary and personal glory in order to join forces with established players as he pursued a championship.

Why exactly, is that such a horrible thing? An elite athlete making personal sacrifices in order to win a title. Certainly not a novel concept in sports.

The Miami Heat organization has also taken a lot of criticism for the manner in which this team was put together. Someone show me what the Heat did that was so immoral, so unethical, that it has made them the most disliked franchise in sports?

The objective of a pro sports team is to win. What was Miami supposed to do, turn down LeBron? Say "No sorry, we have to find a more honorable way of winning championships than to sign the best free agent in NBA history. Let's go after Theo Ratliff."

How the Miami Heat built this team is actually more worthy of respect than anything the New York Yankees have done in the last 20 years. The Yankees built contending teams by simply outspending everyone else they're competing with. The Heat have a salary cap structure to deal with, and they had to convince Dwayne Wade, Chris Bosh and LeBron James to all take under market-value salaries in order to play together. Did C.C. Sabathia say he'd be willing to accept only $120 million, as long as he got first in line at the team's pregame buffet every game as a concession to help his team? Nope.

Another thing I appreciate about what the Heat have done, is that they have considered every bit of conventional wisdom about how to build an NBA champion over 60-plus years of league history, and thrown it out the window, and done it their own way. When Frank Sinatra sings about doing it his way, everyone loves it. When the Heat do it their way, they get more scorn and ridicule than the douchebags on "Jersey Shore." It takes a lot of guts to buck conventional wisdom the way the Heat have, and try to win a championship in a completely new way. Are we not witnessing a basketball revolution during these playoffs? How is that not thrilling to watch?

What put me over the top with all this was the newly spawned "Cavs for Mavs" movement, which started on the evening of the NBA Finals. Cavs fans, doing their best Jennifer Aniston impressions, have thrown their support behind the Dallas Mavericks, in order to cheer against LeBron from winning his first championship. This might be the most pathetic thing a fan base has ever done. Actually abandon its own team in order to totally support a competing team, just because that competing team faces the guy who left their city 11 months ago.

However, the behavior model of Cavs fans in this instance is entirely consistent. We're talking about people who are so schitzophrenic, they make Tom Sizemore look placid by comparison. These are fans, who took shirts, jerseys, etc. of the best player in the franchise's history, and burned them in the streets. These are fans who thought it an insult to chant the name of one of the 50 best players in NBA history (Scottie Pippen) at LeBron in his December return to Quicken Loans Arena. These are now fans who decided they are fans of another team, who's chopped-off nickname happens to rhyme with their own team's chopped-off nickname.

Now, let's look at the Cavs as an organization. This is a team who had LeBron on its roster for 7 seasons, and gave him teammates who fell somewhere between has beens, never-weres, and only-in-their dreams. LeBron carried a team with Drew Gooden as a starting power forward to the NBA Finals, for chrissakes. The only reason the Cavs even had LeBron in the first place was that they won 17 games in 2002-03 and happened to win the NBA draft lottery.

What the Cavs did since then was shameful. They built all of their credibility on the shoulders of one person. They fancied themselves as a cornerstone NBA franchise because of one person. They stole TV broadcasters (Fred McLoed), cloned PA announcers (Mason) and pushed their way into elite status because of one person. The Cavs never bothered to methodically build a contending team with complementary parts, or crafted trades that worked out short and long term. They rode the coattails of one player, placing 100 percent of the burden on that one player to give them a title.

Then, they try to act indignant, insulted and hurt when that one player decides to ease his own burden and enhance his own chances for a championship? It's the Cavs who should be regarded as the least-likeable franchise in sports.

Here in Detroit, we've lost good free agents too. Juan Gonzalez. Allan Houston. Grant Hill. What do we do about it? We retool, stick our chin out a little bit further and move on. We don't burn jerseys in the streets. We don't approach the future with the collective nuttiness of the ladies from "The View." We don't write ill-advised and childish blog posts in Comic Sans.

So I salute LeBron James, for having the unselfishness, balls and vision to carve his own piece of NBA history. Some will blame him for starting a new era in basketball where buddies team up to win a title. I say, credit him for leaving a bad situation, where too much was asked of him, and entering a better one where he will more easily be able to become a champion.

Morning Head: Possible Blake Lively photos take the sting out of Miami win

2011-06-01T09:37:00.004-04:00

OK, Derelict readers, here's what Blake Lively looks like in a bikini. Now, here's what we're made to believe she looks like sans bikini (NSFW, obviously), and anything else other than an iPhone. My instant analysis notices the mole on the upper chest of the naked girl, and that it's not there on Lively. Although, that could simply be something with the photo. Or chocolate. Either way, there are naked pictures on the Internet of a very attractive girl who bears a striking resemblance to Blake Lively. I don't think this is something we should complain about, even if they're fake.

Look, most all of us are upset about the fact that the Miami Heat have become the best team in basketball in such a short period of time. We all figured it would take a year or two before they completely gelled and figured out how to divvy up the touches in crucial games. Or maybe there would be Kobe/Shaq-like infighting that cause rifts that were too deep to be overcome in a tough playoff series. But none of that is happening, and the Heat are looking more and more likely to win it all in Year 1, meaning multiple championships is probably a given. So let's take solace in the (maybe) Blake Lively naked photos and the fact that the lede on the Miami Herald story today was stupid. Really? You're going to lead with five in a row in the finals against the Mavericks, even though only four players who are playing significant minutes in this series played in the 2006 series? Even though this was the Heat's first win over the Mavericks this season? I mean, I could see mentioning it at some point, but in the lede? I mean, the whole article is garbage, to be perfectly honest. So that makes me feel a little bit better. Well, not really. But kind of. (Miami Herald)

The Stanley Cup Final begins tonight in Vancouver. And yes, it's strange that a Stanley Cup Final game in Vancouver starts at 8 p.m. EST, and an NBA Finals game in Miami started at 9 p.m. EST. Of course, hockey doesn't have the luxury of the casual fan making sure to tune in, so if they see that the game starts at 9 or 10, they're likely not even going to bother, because they have work in the morning goddammit. I said this during the conference finals, and I'm going to continue to say it until I'm inevitably proven wrong, Vancouver wins this series in five games. The West was vastly superior to the East this year, and it will show. Boston's only shot here is to have Tim Thomas steal four games, and while he's capable, I don't know if that's possible against the Canucks. (Kurten Blog)

The obvious debate after the Thrashers left Atlanta for Winnipeg is what team moves to the Eastern Conference in 2012? As I said yesterday, Nashville probably makes the most sense geographically, but the team that makes the most sense historically/geographically is the Red Wings. Pierre LeBrun agrees with that. Now let's hope to fucking god that Gary Bettman agrees with that, too -- spoiler alert: he won't -- and the Wings move to the Eastern Conference, where playoff travel won't be such an issue, and getting to the Stanley Cup Final won't be as treacherous a journey. (ESPN)

Remember when the Tigers hadn't beaten the Twins in, like, a million years? Well things have turned around now, mostly because the Twins suck balls. With their win last night, the Tigers own eight straight wins over the Twinkies. The Tigers used bunting and Joaquin Benoit to win this one. I'll never type that again. (DetNews)

The NBA approved the sale of the Pistons to Tom Gores and his group. This is good news, if for no other other reason, it gets Karen Davidson the fuck out the picture. It's bad news, however, because now the Pistons have an owner who doesn't wear a belt when he tucks in his shirt. Tom Gores is your middle-aged father, apparently. (Freep)

While going to grab the Gores story, I came across this gem from Drew Sharp. Here's the thing about this: Michigan and Michigan State have been chasing the same recruits as Ohio States FOREVER. The only thing that's changed about recruiting in the Midwest now that Ohio State is having it's issues, is that schools like Michigan and Michigan State have a better chance at pulling a kid out of Ohio. In fact, Michigan has beaten Ohio State for some pretty big name Ohio recruits in the past -- Desmond Howard and Charles Woodson immediately come to mind. Those two nearly crippled the Michigan program. You're not sinking to anyone's level by recruiting the same kids they are. You sink to their level when you enable them in the same way that Ohio State enabled them. Terrelle Pryor is a fucktard, but would he have been a fucktard on the same level at Michigan? Maybe mentally, but I'm guessing he wouldn't have sat in the driver's seat of eight different cars while he was there. I'm convinced that every time Drew Sharp gets a boner, he runs to the kitchen and pours ice cubes down his pants. (Freep)

Of course, none of us will ever get to see those kids play their four years wherever they decide to go, because we'll all be dead of brain cancer. (Mobile Beat)

Today's Amazingness is Chris Berman not being too sure what constitutes a walk-off win:

Morning Head: Your thoughts on the Tressel story?

2011-05-31T09:43:00.004-04:00

Nicky Whelan after what was surely a brutal workout.

But let's get to the matter at hand, Jim Tressel resigned Monday morning, which created a massive build-up to a Sports Illustrated investigative piece that promised to be so damning that it forced the university to force Tressel out. Was there more than we originally knew? Kind of. There were more players involved in Tattoo-Gate than we originally though, but if memory serves, a former player tweeted that a month ago. We found out that Terrelle Pryor has driven "as many as eight different cars" in three years, but that's been message-board fodder for as long as he's been there. The only thing new is that someone reputable has now put it out there, and not your local message-board insider who claims to be good friends with the nephew of an OSU trustee and got to watch a game in a luxury box one time. Of course, that someone reputable used a convicted felon and tattoo artist who used a pseudonym. Not that I don't believe all of these guys got tattoos in exchange for their memorabilia (which is against NCAA rules) and I fully believe that Tressel knew what was going on and looked the other way (a big NCAA no-no, worthy of getting a guy axed). But this was far from earth-shattering, and doesn't bring the Buckeyes anywhere near the SMU-type sanctions that a lot of Big Ten fans were hoping for. In fact, my thought is we might see USC-type sanctions. But nothing more, mainly because Tressel is gone, and it's been made to look -- by Ohio State and this SI story -- that he, not Ohio State, was the problem. (SI)

That's not to say that USC's sanctions weren't major, and it's hurt that program quite a bit. And it looks like more is coming in the coming weeks in regards to Terrelle Pryor, who may be done at Ohio State. So, of course, he showed up to the team meeting in this. Smart.

The NBA Finals begin tonight in Miami, and when this series is over, either LeBron James and the Heat will have their first of multiple titles, or Dirk Nowitzki, Jason Kidd and Jason Terry will get their ring after long careers. My pick is Heat in 7, as much as I hate to say it. I will root very, very hard to be wrong. (Dallas Morning News)

Apparently the Tigers played a game yesterday, as well. And they won, maybe in a shady fashion. As it is one game of 162, the uproar over the "controversial" call is, um, nonexistent. (DetNews)

It's official: The Atlanta Thrashers are moving to Winnipeg. Apparently, this coming season, there will be no shift in the makeup of the NHL's divisions, which means Winnipeg will play in the Southeast Division. That's going to be an absolute bitch for travel. After that, there will surely be some juggling of the divisions, and we as Detroit fans will clamor for a move to the East, because the Wings probably belong there geographically. However, the Nashville Predators probably have a much better geographical argument, and we'll have to spend the rest of our lives watching playoff games that start at 10:30 p.m. (SB Nation)

Today's amazingness is not a video, but rather a GIF:

Lionel Messi is a god

2011-05-28T23:12:00.003-04:00

A lot is made of the 53 goals Lionel Messi has scored this season for Barcelona, and rightfully so. But sometimes it's the things he does to set up his teammates that amaze me the most.

The quality of this video is the best I could find, but it's not good enough to keep up with how quickly his feet move when he splits a pair of Manchester United defenders in the box like he's playing in your local rec league. Then again, I don't know if they've created a level of HD yet that can keep up with Messi's feet.

Some say he needs to win a World Cup before he can be known as the best ever, I say bullshit. There is no higher level than the Champions League as far as competition goes, and he's won that multiple times. Sure, he has a lot of help on that Barcelona side, but on a team that features practically all of the World Cup winning Spanish team, he's clearly the best player.

We're watching the best player to ever play this game, and he's just now into his prime.

Roger Goodell is an idiot

2011-05-27T11:58:00.003-04:00

Roger Goodell told the Tennessean recently that NFL fans wanted an 18-game schedule, which is one of the main obstacles right now in getting a labor deal done. The players, who have lived a 16-game schedule (plus four preseason games, plus possible playoffs) do not want it. The owners, who merely see dollar signs, do want it.

As for the fans? Goodell is sadly mistaken. We don't want an 18-game schedule, at least the educated among us. We just want football, and we want it on the second weekend of September like we normally get it. We don't need two extra games at the end of the schedule to see more teams play their backups either out to rest them or out of necessity thanks to the injuries that have been racked up throughout the season.

For a league that claims a lot of what they're trying to incorporate in the new labor agreement is for the players' safety, this is a truly tone-deaf statement. So now all of the sudden players are going to be safer playing in two more regular season games?

Most of us knew that this lockout was all about greed (the players, by the way, are willing to play under last year's CBA, but the owners want more), but this just lessens any doubt there was about it.

Morning Head: If someone had to lose like that, I'm glad it was the Sharks

2011-05-25T10:59:00.004-04:00

Here's Hilary Rhoda looking flawless for Sports Illustrated. My original plan was LeAnn Rimes who was vacationing in Cabo while wearing a bikini. Then I looked at this picture and wasn't sure if I was looking at LeAnn Rimes or Michael Jackson in a blonde wig. Good luck ever having another mastubatory thought about LeAnn Rimes.

So, a funny thing happened in Game 5 of the Western Conference finals last night. Ever heard of puck luck? Yeah, the Canucks had that in spades, getting a puck to bounce off a stanchion out to a wide-open Kevin Bieksa who knuckle-pucked one home among the confusion. Only the Canucks seemed to know what had happened at first, and Dave Strader's call of the goal, was, um, uninspired. Think Stanley Cup Finals from last year when Patrick Kane was the only person in Philadelphia who knew he'd just potted the Cup-winning goal. This was the second awful break for the Sharks in the game, as they were screwed on an icing call that set up the game-tying goal. This, of course, doesn't bother me at all. The Canucks move on, and I don't see either of the teams in the East stopping them from winning their first Cup. (Kurten Blog)

Thanks to some amazing possessions in the final minute by the Bulls (isolations against LeBron James for fall-away jumpers is, um, not so awesome), the Heat were able to survive regulation and win in overtime. Miami is one win away from the finals. Expect that win to come in Game 6, and then we get Heat/Mavs in the finals, and we can be happy with that matchup, because it will be pretty damn awesome. (Miami Herald)

Alex Avila is a man. So is Miguel Cabrera. And the Tigers are still the streakiest team in the league. Just be happy that, for now, the team is streaking in the right direction (three straight wins), and is above .500. The bad streaking has also not been bad enough to let he Indians get ridiculously far away. (DetNews)

Dana Holgorsen was "escorted" out of a casino in West Virginia. The incident with the offensive coordinator and head coach in waiting at West Virginia is now under investigation. Details are sparse, but here's to hoping it involved a shit-ton of booze and Holgorsen screaming at the top of his lungs at a roulette spinner that he wanted to put it all on red. He also, hopefully, had his dick out. (ESPN)

The death toll isn't anywhere near Joplin, but Oklahoma was ravaged by massive tornadoes Tuesday night. I was watching one of the local channels down there as it was going on, and the main weather man was doing one hell of a job keeping people informed of the track the tornadoes were on the ground or were about to be. I'm assuming he saved a lot of lives. (NewsOK)

Today's Amazingness, new Death Cab:

Morning Head: Rafalski retiring?

2011-05-24T10:35:00.004-04:00

Julianne Hough who is almost enough to make a person start watching "Dancing With The Stars." Although, I wouldn't blame you if you didn't, and instead just went online and searched for pictures and videos of Julianne Hough.

So, Brian Rafalski is retiring. Maybe (UPDATE: This is for realz, bitches). This could be a real problem for the Red Wings if the free-agent crop of defensemen decide to just head back to where they're comfortable and not test the waters. It could also be a problem because with Rafalski, you knew what you were getting -- a great power-play defenseman who could move the puck with the best of them, even if he wasn't always the best in his own end. While that last part isn't exactly something you want, Rafalski more than made up for that with his other qualities, especially in the Red Wings system. But, $6 million is $6 million. That kind of price could lure in any of the unrestricted free agents on the market, and with some money left over from Mike Modano's retirement and kicking Ruslan Salei and perhaps Jonathan Ericsson to the curb, the Wings could even make a legit offer to restricted free agent Shea Weber (which, holy shit, wow). If Nick Lidstrom comes back, this will probably be OK, because Rafalski can be replaced, even if that seems difficult. Lidstrom, of course, cannot be replaced. And trying to replace both of them would be shit-tastic. Now, and here's something I just thought of as I was typing, perhaps Lidstrom comes back for a year at a lesser price, and the Wings go after Weber who Lidstrom can mentor for a season. That's a win-win for everybody involved, except, of course, Nashville, which loses it's best player to a division rival. But fuck them. (USA Today)

I just did a Google image search for "Furbush fever" and sadly (thankfully?) it was completely safe for work. It is, however, not a very common search apparently. At least for now, because Detroit is about to catch Furbush fever. Charlie Furbush (yes, his name is Chuck Furbush) made his major league debut in relief of Phil Coke (who is off to the DL) and picked up his first major league win as the Tigers beat the Rays. He's good, and whatever the Tigers decided to do with him, he'll bolster the bullpen. He'll either be there himself, or he'll push Coke there, which will help. (DetNews)

The Boston Bruins won the always pivotal Game 5 Monday night in their Eastern Conference finals series against Tampa Bay, because Tim Thomas (I always type "Time Thomas," which is appropriate) is not human. I've come under the assumption that scoring chances in the East are not only more prevalent, but more deadly, meaning their goaltenders have to make more ridiculous saves. That doesn't mean their goalies are better, per say, but it does mean they have to make more highlight-reel plays. But honestly, the East is kind of booty, and outside of Thomas or Roloson/Smith standing on their head in the finals, the Canucks are hoisting the Cup in five. (Puck Daddy)

I turned off Game 4 of the Mavs/OKC series because I thought it was over and I wanted to play a video game that was made in 2005. Then Dirk happened. Nowitzki was outstanding down the stretch (even though Nick Collison was actually playing good defense on him) leading the Mavs to an overtime victory. Since all I care about in the NBA anymore is somebody beating the Heat, I spent the last few minutes of OT (I turned it back on, because my video game from 2005 stopped working) trying to figure out how the Mavs match up with the Heat. Someone with better basketball knowledge needs to help me here, because I kept coming up with Shawn Marion guarding LeBron and Jason Kidd guarding Dwyane Wade. (Dallas Morning News)

I had an opinion on the Ray Lewis matter, but Anthony Stalter got it across pretty well here. My first reaction was, "What the hell is Ray Ray thinking?" But the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was a sad, but probably accurate indictment of the NFL and not Lewis (although Lewis has proven in the past that too much free time can be an issue. He did kill someone, after all (allegedly (or not))). (Scores Report)

I'm watching the French Open on ESPN3 as I type this, and John Isner and Rafa Nadal are in the fifth set. That's why it will be about noon before you see this. Not sure why I told you that.

But really, you should really listen to Harold Camping this time. He's pretty sure he's got it right now, and we're about to be Raptured/sent to the depths of New Jersey on Oct. 21. Mark your calendars. (Huffington Post)

If you didn't think this was going to be the Amazingness this week, you're new to the blog:

Morning Head: The Heat are winning it all and there's nothing we can do about it

2011-05-23T10:31:00.003-04:00

Eva Mendes, because when I wrote about the Heat in the headline, I immediately thought spicy, which led me to Latina, which led me to Eva Mendes, which led me to this picture of her sticking her ass out. That's kind of how it works around here.

Chris Bosh was the biggest of the Big 3 Sunday night, leading the Heat to a win against the Chicago Bulls in Game 3 of their Eastern Conference finals series. If you watched this game and the recap shows, you certainly heard this: "The Bulls only have one guy who can create his own shot." This has become ridiculously apparent in the last two games, and if Derrick Rose doesn't go off for 40-50 for the rest of the series, the Bulls probably aren't winning. As I've said for the last two weeks, the Heat are winning the NBA Title, and there's nothing we can do about it. (Miami Herald)

Thanks to three (!) 5-on-3 goals in less than two minutes, the Canucks won Game 4 of the Western Conference finals to take a 3-1 lead on the San Jose Sharks. Unfortunately for Sharks fans, they don't have a gripe, as it was a too-many-men penalty, along with a delay of game that put the Sharks down two men the second two times. These are things the officials can't ignore. I'd love to say I feel sorry for Sharks fans, but I don't. Not one bit. Not after last year's series against the Red Wings was essentially decided by 5-on-3 goals in San Jose. The Canucks are winning the whole thing, by the way, and I'm not nearly as upset about this as I thought I might be. (The Province)

The Tigers beat the Pirates 2-0 to snap their five-game losing streak. This streak, of course, came after the Tigers had reeled off a considerable win streak. That streak, of course, followed a considerable losing streak. It's no surprise this is a .500 team, and we can probably expect a lot of the same as long as the Tigers' offense continues to be consistently inconsistent. (DetNews)

The French Open started Sunday, and my money's on this guy. Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer were great for the game of tennis because they gave it a rivalry that even Americans were interested in. Novak Djokovic has been in their shadow for the past couple of years, but he's now busting out, and he has the personality to accompany No. 1 talent. If you're a tennis fan, he's a guy you're going to want at the forefront of your sport. (ESPN)

A devastating tornado leveled the city of Joplin, Mo. last night, leaving at least 89 dead. Early reports on Twitter were saying that 75% of the city was gone. A hospital was destroyed, as was the high school. This is the most damaging tornado in the United States since 1953. (News-Leader)

On a brighter note, the Rapture didn't happen on Saturday, that or all of you are heathens like myself. What's fun about this story is, most of us were making fun of this doomsday prediction, but there were people who really thought it was going to happen. This family's unborn child should be taken away from them upon birth. (Huffington Post)

Today's Amazingness is from the Ricky Gervais Show, which is awesomesauce:

RIP, Macho Man

2011-05-20T14:24:00.002-04:00

We lost a great American hero today. I was so distraught by this, I couldn't even put together a Morning Head.*

Here's how I'll always remember you, big guy.

Wait, I mean this is how I'll always remember you.

* - This is not necessarily a true statement. It might have been because I was lazy this morning.

Morning Head: If you provide the titties, Ben Eager is always willing to be the ass

2011-05-19T09:48:00.005-04:00

This is Kelli Hutcherson, who is a UFC ring girl. Dana White is really, really kicking boxing's ass right now, isn't he? For more, go here (won't get you fired, but won't exactly get you in your bosses good graces, either).

Hey, San Jose Sharks, if you were just going to go to the Western Conference Finals and lay down, you could have done it in Game 7 and just gotten this whole thing over with. The Canucks raped the Sharks in the third period last night, winning 7-3 as the Sedin twins put on a show. The Sharks have decided in this series that they weren't going to let Ryan Kesler beat them, so instead, the Sedins are pummeling them. Here's the thing about this: The Canucks were forced to a Game 7 by the Blackhawks and a Game 6 by the Predators -- two teams who are not as talented as the Sharks -- when those teams decided to take away the Sedins. Yeah, Kesler was great against the Preds, but it's not like the Canucks were blowing them away. The Sedins are arguably two of the top five players in the league -- at the very least top 10 -- you might want to take them out of the game if you can. Because believe me, as much fun as it is to watch them skate circles around your fourth line, I'd rather see some semblance of a series. (The Province)

In a 7-3 loss, there are sure to be plenty of goats, but Ben Eager takes this one all by himself. He took stupid penalty after stupid penalty, all but the last costing the Sharks dearly. Of course, the last one would have cost them dearly had it not come immediately after he had scored a goal to make it 7-3 with about 3 minutes remaining. Of course, for his efforts, he was given this from a woman sitting next to the penalty box (this will get you fired). Sorry, Green Men, but you just became irrelevant. (The Big Lead)

The night was not all tits and Shark soup, however, as the Heat beat the Bulls in Game 2 of their Eastern Conference Finals series. The fourth quarter of this game made UConn/Butler look like the And1 Tour. Seriously, it was ugly. The refs were so disgusted by it, that LeBron James even got called for a travel. This game has reaffirmed my worst beliefs, however, that the Heat are going to win the NBA title. (Ball Don't Lie)

The Tigers lost 1-0 to the Red Sox after stranding approximately eleventy-billion men on base. It's hard to get mad at a team's offense for struggling in shitty weather in a game that was broken up by a rain delay. I will get mad at said offense, however, if it decides to light up Josh Beckett today. He's on my fantasy team, and sometimes fantasy kool-aid is thicker than blood. Sorry. Also, make sure to look for Your Boy Matt in the stands today. He'll be the one in the upper deck fucking a Justin Verlander blow-up doll. (DetNews)

Several of the Lions players have been holding their own workouts as the NFL continues to lock players out. I'd commend all of the players for still taking the time to show up, but Kyle Vanden Bosch is the one organizing these, and I've been close enough to him to know that when he tells you to do something, you're not even thinking of saying no. (Freep)

This kind of shit really interests me, and probably nobody else (although, Animal Planet would be out of business if that were the case). The Huffington Post has a slideshow of 10 bugs that you don't want to fuck with this year. (Huffington Post)

Today's amazingness is something I'm likely to try out in my backyard on Memorial Day:

Tigers Minor League Report

2011-05-18T13:26:00.005-04:00

These rankings are based on MLB.com's evaluations.

10. Jose Ortega, RHP: The reliever, signed by the Tigers in 2006, finally made it to full-season ball last year, splitting time between West Michigan, Lakeland, and Erie. He put up a solid total ERA (3.03) while fanning 61 batters of 68.1 innings. He made his season debut last night for Toledo, allowing a run on a hit and two walks. ETA: 2012

9. Chance Ruffin, RHP: The 22-year-old righty reliever was drafted No. 48 overall by the Tigers in 2010. In his first 12.2 minor league innings, he has held the closers role in Erie. He has yielded 12 hits and six walks to go with 12 strikeouts. (ERA 3.71, FIP 3.97) ETA: 2013

8. Avisail Garcia, OF: The 19-year-old has struggled so far this year in Lakeland. He has only 32 hits in 147 at-bats with limited power (only 8 extra base hits). However, he shows great range in the OF and has a strong arm. Lakeland is also a rather high level for someone his age, so his bat isn't a worry at this point in his development yet. ETA: 2013

7. Drew Smyly, LHP: Drafted in the 2nd round in 2010, Smyly (21) was a starter in Lakeland before an injury forced him out of the rotation. In three starts he pitched 17.2 innings, allowing 8 runs on 22 hits and just three walks. He also struck out 14. ETA: 2013

6. Francisco Martinez, 3B: Martinez (20) has made it to Erie after spending last year in Lakeland. So far he only has a slash line of .235/.288/.391, though that's not terrible for a hitter of his youth at the AA level. ETA: 2013

5. Daniel Fields, OF: The son of former Tigers coach Bruce, son Daniel (20) is in Lakeland this season. After a slow April, Fields has flashed his power in May with 5 doubles, a triple, and 2 HRs. He has a great power/speed combo and seems to be progressing nicely after the Tigers selected him in the 6th round in 2009. ETA: 2013

4. Casey Crosby, LHP: Despite being set back by Tommy John surgery in 2008, there is still a lot of promise with the stuff of the 22-year-old starter. A 5th round selection in 2007, has thrown under 150 innings the past three years. This season at Erie, Crosby has pitched 35.2 innings and sports an ERA of 3.79. He has allowed just 29 hits and has K'd 32, though he has also walked 21. ETA: 2013

3. Nick Castellanos, 3B: Just 18, Castellanos has showed the explosive bat that made him a 1st round pick in 2010. After a slow start in April, he has 2 doubles, 3 triples, and 3 HR's in May. At such a young age, when most hitters would be in extended spring training still, this is an excellent sign. ETA: 2014

2. Andy Oliver, LHP: After getting a cup of coffee in the majors last year, Oliver is in Toledo in 2011 and pitching very well. In 43.2 innings, Oliver has allowed 35 hits, 17 walks, and only 14 runs (sub-3.00 ERA). He also has K'd 43 batters. Rumor has it, he will be in Detroit within a week or two. ETA: 2011, possibly before May is up.

1. Jacob Turner, RHP: The No. 9 overall pick in 2009 and a Top 15 overall prospect in all of baseball, Turner has been displaying maturity beyond his 19 years of age so far in Erie. In 45.1 innings he has an ERA of 2.58 while striking out 36 and only walking 11. ETA: 2012

Morning Head: Dirk Nowitzki is pretty good at basketball

2011-05-17T19:58:00.004-04:00

Blake Lively, who is now apparently dating Leo Dicaprio. The man does alright for himself (but is it all just a dream?).

Speaking of doing alright for himself, holy shit, Dirk. Nowitzki scored 48 points on 12-of-15 shooting from the field, and 24-of-24 shooting from the free throw line. Yeah, it's kind of ridiculous (riDirkulous?) that he took 24 free throws, but it's even more ridiculous that me made all of them. I'd imagine that 11 of those 12 field goals didn't even hit the rim. I was only paying half attention to the game, honestly, having it on in the background while following along on Twitter. So I was a little shocked when I looked up and Oklahoma City was actually still in the game. That was probably because Kevin Durant scored 40 points of his own. This series should be fun. (Dallas Morning News)

So, it appears Tyler Seguin is pretty good, huh? Seguin had two goals and two assists to lead Boston to a 6-5 win against Tampa Bay in Game 2 of the Eastern Conference finals. This was a series, mind you, that was all about the old goalies who were on fire. Through two games, there have been a combined 18 goals. Despite that, Tim Thomas might have been the reason the Bruins won last night. Yeah, the guy that gave up five and allowed one off of his face, was the reason his team won. He made some huge-mungous saves down the stretch to protect the lead. This series should also continue to be fun. (Boston.com)

Daniel Tosh is paid to say crazy things, and last night, he did that. People are going to be offended by this, and I'm not saying they shouldn't be, but don't expect an apology from Tosh. He's a comedian, he can say whatever the hell he wants as long as there are people who will be willing to laugh. (Sports By Brooks)

The Cavs are back! Or, well, maybe. They at least have the chance to pick two impact players as they own the Nos. 1 and 4 picks in the NBA Draft after last night's lottery. But really, the story of the night was the bow-tie and dark-rimmed glasses wearing 14-year-old that David Kahn hates. (Cleveland.com and Ball Don't Lie)

The College Football Hall of Fame announced its 2011 class Tuesday, and all it did was force us to ask the following questions: "Wait, Deion Sanders and Eddie George weren't already in?" And "Holy shit, Tommie Frazier still isn't in?" Frazier was the guy that people brought up along with Charles Woodson when people talked about Tim Tebow as the best college football player of all time. Frazier was one of the most dynamic players in the history of the game, and the fact that he never did anything beyond college is irrelevant as this is the College Football Hall of Fame. (CBS Sports)

The mother of Arnold Schwarzenegger's love child was identified and she's -- gah! Wow. What the fuck. I think Arnold needs to go with the "I was raped" defense, because honestly, it might work. (Huffington Post)

USA Today takes a stand on climate change, which is kind of like taking a stand on evolution or against storks that bring children to your doorstep. They, however, compared climate change deniers to birthers, which is fitting. Then again, for us living in Michigan where it's in the 40s in mid May, we're really looking forward to this whole global warming thing. (USA Today)

Today's Amazingness may be the most amazing thing I've ever posted here. Congratulations, young man, you win.

Morning Head: So, about this Benoit guy

2011-05-17T10:27:00.006-04:00

Gwen Stefani, who was the first woman I can remember really falling "in love" with. And by falling "in love" I mean she was the first non porn star I can remember jerking off to. Hello, seventh grade!

The Tigers win streak was snapped Monday night because Joaquin Benoit can't get an out. Benoit, who was amazing last year in Tampa, has been nothing short of atrocious this season for the Tigers. He was one of their two big offseason acquisitions, and fortunately the other one -- Victor Martinez -- has been amazing. Jim Leyland was asked last night if he was going with another setup man in the future. He declined to answer, basically saying he didn't want to make that decision in the spur of the moment. So, basically, Benoit is done being the setup guy. (DetNews)

It must be National Coming Out Week, because there are several people deciding right now to tell the world they're gay. There was the Phoenix Suns executive, the CNN anchor, and perhaps the most touching story, former Villanova basketball player Will Sheridan. One day, people coming out won't be national news. But for now, when gay rights is the new civil rights issue of our time, it's going to continue to "shock" people. (ESPN)

Game 2 of the Stanley Cup Eastern Conference Finals is tonight in Boston, and the Tampa Bay Lightning are looking to take a 2-0 lead in the series. Led by 41-year-old goaltender Dwayne Roloson, the Lightning have won eight straight games, and are clearly the hottest team in the playoffs right now. And yes, the Lightning are the team I'm taking up with the Red Wings out of the picture. (TampaBay.com)

I have never been a big NBA guy, but I must admit that I'm pretty into these conference finals matchups. The Eastern Conference is self-explanatory: you have the Heat playing against the MVP, and everyone outside of Miami wants the Heat to lose. The West, meanwhile, is Old vs. Young, and that's not just a gimmicky thing the networks have thought up, it's really a bunch of young guys playing against a bunch of old guys. Not sure who I want to win that one, as I love Dirk and have always been a Jason Kidd fan, so seeing them win it all would be nice. But at the same time, watching Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook is pretty damn fun. (NewsOK)

The 8th Circuit Court granted the NFL its stay, meaning the lockout is back on. Depending on who you listen to, this is a really bad thing or actually a good thing. Those who think it's bad are looking at it like I am, that the owners now feel they don't have to budge, and they won't because they're stubborn assholes. The people who think it's kind of a good thing believe this will lead to more negotiations. Whatever, just get this shit over with. (ProFootballTalk)

Whoa, Arnold. (Huffington Post)

Today's Amazingness, because I didn't provide it yesterday:

Rick Porcello's "struggles" in 2010 were a fluke

2011-05-16T16:13:00.002-04:00

Coming into the 2011 season, many people were questioning Rick Porcello's spot in the rotation, citing a concern that he regressed from his rookie season. I'm about to explain why he not only didn't regress in 2010, he actually showed signs of improvement. (Once again, I have provided some relevant links for those who care to dip into them)

To begin, yes I realize that his ERA shot up from 3.96 to 4.92 last season. However, ERA is, as I've mentioned before, a very poor predictor of future performance.

Porcello was able to improve his FIP from 4.77 as a rookie to 4.31 last year. That's a pretty significant improvement. In addition, his xFIP went from 4.27 to 4.24. Now, xFIP adjusts your performance on HR/FB (homers per fly ball) to the MLB average because home run rates are very random. Sure enough, his rate in 2009 of 14.1 percent dropped to a more reasonable number of 9.9.

This is why his expected FIP is nearly identical between his first two years. He gave up an unusually high rate of HRs as a rookie and improved that number last year.

Also from 2009 to 2010, Porcello was able to maintain his K rate and improve his base on balls rate.

So why the increase in ERA? Simple. Porcello's left on base rate went from a solid 75.5 percent in 2009 to an extremely low (and very likely unlucky) 65.9 percent in 2010. This season, that number has gone back up, all the way to 78.7 percent. As a result, Porcello's 2011 ERA has dipped down to 3.67.

In addition, he has made tremendous strides in K rate (a career-best 5.83/9 innings), FIP (3.75) and xFIP (3.66). In short, he has performed in 2011 exactly as his peripheral numbers suggest he should.

Can he keep up this current pace? While that remains to be seen, Erik Hahmann at FanGraphs.com gives a reason why he thinks Porcello has made the big leap.

"He also looks to have made a significant change in his approach, relying less on his fastball and throwing his changeup 16.4% of the time, up from 9.4% the past two seasons," Hahmann wrote on May 12. "Although I wouldn’t put much stock into pitch type values early in a season, or even late in a season because they are influenced so much by the defense, his changeup currently is highest rated pitch. That may be the reason for his increased swinging strike percentage and K/9. He is only 22, and looks to be improving."

The bottom line is Porcello has gotten better in each of his MLB seasons, and appears to have made his biggest strides yet this season.

Derelict PSA: The two-day hangover

2011-05-16T11:29:00.002-04:00

We here at The Daily Derelict really care about public safety. We want our readers to be at 100% at all times, because reading the Derelict at anything less than 100% is just doing yourself a disservice.

The Two-Day Hangover

Symptoms

Day 1: Headache, sleepiness, feeling like you have to take a shit but you really don't have to take a shit, loss of appetite, sudden rushes of hunger, loss of appetite again after making food, sleepiness accompanied by not actually being able to fall asleep, dehydration, shit breath.

Day 2: Sleepiness, a feeling of "what the fuck, I thought I got over this yesterday," more dehydration, return of the ability to urinate, neon yellow urine, feeling like you have to take a shit but taking one that is a lot smaller than you expected it to be, massive return of appetite.

Those most susceptible

College graduates in their mid to late 20s who think they can still drink like they're in college; high schoolers; Jack Russell Terriers.

An attempt to look beyond Game 7

2011-05-13T14:50:00.006-04:00

Numbness.

That's the only word I've been able to come up with when trying to describe what I felt after the Sharks beat the Red Wings in Game 7 Thursday night, fending off yet another comeback effort and ending one of the best series professional sports has ever seen.

I was numb. Not angry, not sad, not disappointed -- although I'm sure all of those were in there somewhere -- just numb.

I stared at my phone, scrolling through a Twitter feed that was beating me over the head with the same information: "Sharks avoid choke." "Wings come up short." "Marleau answers his critics." "Game over. Wings lose."

And that's it. No more season. And at least until October, no more brilliance from Pavel Datsyuk. No more Jimmy Howard coming into his own as a legitimate Stanley Cup-caliber goaltender. No more Niklas Kronwall stepping up and becoming the defenseman we've all hoped that he could become.

No more Nick Lidstrom. Holy shit, that could be final.

Of course, a loss in the second round is going to leave a lot of questions, because this is the Red Wings and making it to the second round, no matter how incredible the effort was in the series, is not good enough. The organization expects to be playing for the Stanley Cup every year. The fans expect to be watching games into June every year. As unrealistic as that is, it's the reality of this organization, which is incredible, but at the same time eliminates the ever-popular moral victory. Those don't exist when it comes to the Red Wings.

As close as the Wings came to winning that series, and as much as I think this team was capable of winning it all, there are still some serious issues to address. The first is the defense. The lack of consistency at the blue line is a major problem for this team. When the defensemen are on their game -- moving the puck quickly up to the forwards, stepping into the play in the offensive zone -- the Red Wings are the best team in the NHL. The other side of that, however, is not pretty. Too many times we saw the Red Wings defense struggle to clear their own zone, or miss on a pass into the neutral zone, causing a turnover and no line change, or even forcing the Wings to have to dump the puck instead of carry it into the zone.

Re-tooling the defense becomes a more daunting task if Lidstrom decides he's done playing, but this offseason it's not impossible. Kronwall, Brian Rafalski, Brad Stuart and Jakub Kindl are all under contract for next year. That's not a bad core, and with the cap space that Lidstom could clear up, the Wings could make a very good run at Christian Ehrhoff or Ian White. To be honest, if Lidstrom leaves, the Wings could make a run at two very good defensemen. If he stays and signs at right around where he was this year, they could still make a fair offer to a top-line guy.

This, of course, is assuming the Wings cut ties with Jonathan Ericsson and Ruslan Salei, which we can only hope. Ericsson is 27, which for a defenseman is young, but it might be time to move on from his inconsistency in his own end and propensity for taking bad penalties. Salei, I think, was always going to be a one-year thing.

Up front, the Wings are in good shape with their top guys: Datsyuk is signed through 2014, Henrik Zetterberg and Johan Franzen are each signed through 2018, and Valtteri Filppula and Dan Cleary each have two years left on their deals. Todd Bertuzzi will be back, as will Darren Helm (who will be in line for a nice extension ... hopefully), Justin Abdelkader, Tomas Holmstrom and Jiri Hudler. Don't be surprised if Patrick Eaves and Drew Miller are both re-signed, as they're good, inexpensive options for the fourth line, and Tomas Tatar is likely to get the call up. Mike Modano is probably going to retire, and I wouldn't be surprised if Kris Draper -- who is at the end of his deal -- does the same.

It depends on the Lidstrom situation and the defensemen the Wings decide to go after -- which is the No. 1 priority -- but I don't think they're going to be in the mix for a guy like Brad Richards, who is the crown jewel of this free agency class. But in reality, the Wings don't need to add that guy. You could make the argument they lacked secondary scoring against the Sharks, but they were also without Johan Franzen, who is a front-line scorer for this team. I really think the Wings are set at forward, but that doesn't mean I'd be mad if they found a way to add a Sean Bergenheim or Joel Ward to pile on some very good depth.

My outlook for this team is much brighter today than it was a week ago -- which I'm guessing is a universal feeling. The defense remains a question, but there are viable options in free agency and the Wings look to have the room to get them. The forwards are fine, and the goaltender could now be looked at as a strength.

So I'm no longer numb, and for now I've passed over anger, sadness and disappointment. But if Joe Thornton goes to get the Cup from Gary Bettman, all of that may change.

The Cleveland Indians: For real or leading-on their own fans

2011-05-13T13:16:00.003-04:00

With their loss yesterday, the Cleveland Indians have fallen to 23-13, giving them a four game advantage over our Tigers. However, is the Tribe for real this season, or just playing above their abilities? Let’s get to the advanced stats to try and find the answer. (I have provided several links if you are curious about what some of these stats are and why they are important, as well as links to the players mentioned)

So far this season, the Indians rank 6^th out of 30 MLB teams with a wOBA (weighted on-base average) of .334.

While this is a very good measure of how their offense has performed, it might not be the greatest predictor of things to come. Let’s dive into their offense now.

Grady Sizemore has provided the club with a real shot in the arm since returning from injury. His BABIP (batting average on balls in play) falls in line with MLB averages, indicating he isn’t getting any luck. His ISO rating (isolated power, which subtracts singles from the equation) indicates he is hitting for far greater power than he normally does. So while he is hitting well and should continue this, he will probably fall off a bit in the power category.

Travis Hafner has performed well for the Tribe as well, but his BABIP is a pretty unsustainable .405. His power is down a bit for him, but that could also be a product of age. Look for him to regress.

Michael Brantley has provided a nice bat for Cleveland as well and all the indicators suggest he is playing at the level he is capable of. Other nice hitters such as Asdrubal Cabrera and Matt LaPorta also seem likely to keep up their current level of performance.

Other players such as Shin-Soo Choo and Carlos Santana have been experiencing a lot of bad luck on batted balls so far this season. They both have BABIP’s of below .260. They should cancel out the eventual regression of Sizemore’s power and Hafner’s batted ball luck.

Overall, what you see from this current Tribe offense is probably pretty real. There is a mixture of nice veteran hitters and rising young hitters who are finally breaking through.

Looking at the starting pitchers, Justin Masterson has experienced a lot of success so far. He has a nice arm and his FIP (fielder independent fielding) suggests he’s pitched well. His xFIP (which is FIP that adjusts HR/FB levels to normal rates) does indicate he should experience some drop off, however.

Fausto Carmona (3.83 ERA, 3.53 FIP, .272 BABIP) is probably pitching to his natural ability level at the moment.

A lot of the pitching success thus far is due to Josh Tomlin (4-1, 2.70 ERA). However, he sports an FIP of 4.70 and his BABIP of .170 suggests an unsustainable level of pitching.

Outside of those three (of who I have projected 2 drop-offs), the Indians have shuffled four pitchers into the other two rotation slots. (Including Carlos Carassco who has pitched better than his ERA would seem to indicate).

While I’m betting on the hitters to keep up their pace for the Indians, I would bet money that those pitchers are going to start slowing down soon, though maybe not by much.

The Tribe have also put together a really solid back to their bullpen behind the Perez’s, Chris and Rafael.

The biggest concern, to me, about the Indians as a whole is the overall experience level. How will they hold up in a divisional race as the summer heats up and they start logging a lot of high pressure innings and at-bats. While the stats suggest that the current level of performance of the Tribe isn't neccessarily a fluke, one might wonder how long they can keep it up given the youth on the club.

In addition, Baseball Prospectus projects the Indians as a 25.2 percent favorite to win the Central. The Tigers lead the way at 49.8 percent. (The White Sox and Twins combine with a 23.9 percent chance, followed by the Royals at under 1 percent).

Going forward, I think I would be happy as a Tigers fan to be chasing Cleveland rather than Minnesota or Chicago this season (teams who appear to have put themselves in HUGE holes). But make no mistake, the Indians are going to be a tough challenge to take down.

Morning Head: There are some tight buttholes in San Jose

2011-05-11T10:23:00.003-04:00

A day like today requires me to bring in one of the heavyweights, so I went with Marisa Miller. If the Wings completely pull this comeback off, I may be forced to use one of the Brooklyn Decker topless photos (Blogger Bonus Reached: 1,000 hits).

Oh man was last night tense. The Red Wings absolutely dominated the San Jose Sharks in Game 6. I mean, absolutely dominated, and should have won it 8-1. But, of course, the hockey gods made us wait it out until the end, when Darren Helm's empty-netter put the finishing touches on a 3-1 win. It was eerily reminiscent of Game 5, although in the other direction. The Sharks played well enough to win that game, dominating the first 41 minutes, but not able to cash in on all of their glorious chances and clung to a 3-1 lead, which the Wings were able to come back from. Except in this one, it was worse. The Wings were more dominant than even the Sharks were in Game 5, and had absolutely nothing to show for it after two periods (still trying to figure out how Dan Cleary doesn't finish that breakaway), and were eventually down 1-0. It was the mid 90s all over again: Wings dominate the game, other team gets one fluky goal and somehow pulls out the win. More pain for Detroit. But, by god, the Wings did it. (Freep)

Now there's a Game 7, and who knows what will happen. All I know is that the pressure is squarely on the shoulders of the Sharks, a team that doesn't do well with pressure, because its captain is a punkass, and its former captain has completely disappeared. And their fans? Scared shitless (scroll to about 7:19 PDT on these posts and watch the mayhem begin). As much as this is all about the Wings making an historic comeback for us, it's about the Sharks continuing their legacy of choking hard in the playoffs to everyone else. Until they prove that they won't always choke when it matters, they'll be the story around the NHL. (Fear the Fin)

Here's some more reaction from team blogs: A Fear the Fin podcast, which encompasses the fear and incredibly cautious optimism of a team that is about to host Game 7 after giving up a 3-0 lead. If you have the time or are working on something that doesn't require your ears, make sure to listen to this. Meanwhile, the Chief over at Abel to Yzerman, does what the Chief does: Brings the swagger.

While the Red Wings have all of Detroit's attention, the Tigers are playing their best baseball of this young season and have won seven of eight games. Last night, it was Francisco Liriano crashing back down to earth the start after his no-hitter as the Tigers routed the Twins. Again, I've promised not to get to high or low with this team during the season, but you've gotta love what you're seeing at this point. (DetNews)

I had forgotten there was an NBA game last night, but there was a really big one. The Bulls won a crucial Game 5 at home against the Hawks last night, taking a 3-2 lead in the series. I, of course, did not watch any of this game, but I've seen nothing from the Bulls in this postseason that leads me to believe they can beat the Heat. And that saddens me. (Chicago Tribune)

Other things that make me sad: ESPN allowing Rob Kardashian to write a column for Page 2. And we wonder why journalism is a dying art. (ESPN)

That makes me want to quit, so here's some amazingness:

Wings will go with Modano, Sharks without Clowe

2011-05-10T12:02:00.003-04:00

Sorry for not providing any Morning Head today, but I had to perform my duty as a pet owner this morning. Plus, I don't think any of you want my rabies-ridden dog running around town.

But on my way back from the vet, I heard some excellent news on NHL Radio: San Jose forward Ryane Clowe, who has been a pain in the Red Wings' ass this series, did not make the trip to Detroit for Game 6. I have a feeling this had something to do with it. At least I hope it did, and it's not something stupid like mono. (For what it's worth, Todd McLellan said it had nothing to do with the hit. I call bullshit.)

Also, in what would normally be bad news but I'm considering as good news, Johan Franzen has been ruled out for the Red Wings, and Mike Modano will step in. Why is this good news? Because Franzen just doesn't have it in this series. You can tell he's hurt, and his ineffectiveness was hurting the Wings. Now, Modano can add fresh legs to what has become a long series, plus he adds a veteran presence and might be just the spark the Wings need to get through the final two games.

Outside of that, here are a few things to look for in Game 6:

1. Is Jimmy Howard in the Sharks heads? He put on an amazing performance in Game 5, and has been great this entire series. After losing Game 5 like the Sharks did, they may begin to overthink things. They're just that kind of team. How will we know if Howard and the Wings are in their heads? If they start making the extra pass that they think is necessary to beat him. If they just fire away (which is really the best way to create scoring opportunities), they're unfazed.

2. Will Antti Niemi bounce back from the end of Game 5? None of the goals he gave up were particularly weak. In fact, I'd say he really didn't have much of a chance on any of them. But even though it wasn't his fault, sometimes allowing three goals on five shots in a 10-minute span of a deciding game can creep into a goaltender's head. The head, of course, is the most important part of a goaltender's body.

3. Will the Detroit crowd bring it again? The Game 4 crowd, which I was a part of, was incredible, and the Wings heaped tons of praise upon it. Detroit needs to bring it again and make sure to send the boys back to San Jose for a Game 7.

My prediction for tonight? I don't have one, because I've been so far off, but I will just throw this out there:

Morning Head: Now it's a series

2011-05-09T10:37:00.004-04:00

Hey, it's Kim Kardashian. How awkward must it feel for Lamar Odom, a basketball player who people actually know, to be married Khloe while Kris Humphries, a player who spells his first name like a girl, is dating that.

Somehow, some way, the Detroit Red Wings found a way to win Game 5 Sunday night in San Jose. It's that winning in San Jose is impossible, it's that the Wings looked dead in the water for pretty much all of the first two periods, and even when they did get some momentum going at the end of the second, it was quickly thwarted by a Logan Couture goal less than a minute into the third. But then the Red Wings showed up, and scored three unanswered goals to win the game and force Game 6 (side note: Is there anyway Pavel Datsyuk can be awarded three assists for his helper on the Holmstrom goal? Maybe four?). Now the series goes back to Detroit, where the Wings can tie this thing up. I'll just stop there for now. (Freep)

As Griffin told you yesterday, Jose Valverde picked up his 200th career save in the Tigers 5-2 win against the Toronto Blue Jays. The Tigers have now won five of six, which is a lot better than, say, losing seven straight. Infinitely better, even. (DetNews)

The Los Angeles Lakers were embarrassed on the court by the Dallas Mavericks Sunday, getting swept out of the playoffs. Then they went ahead and further embarrassed themselves by acting like jackasses -- looking at you, Andrew Bynum. The common thought after the game was that the Lakers are going to trade away Bynum and one of either Odom or Gasol for Dwight Howard. The only reason you do that if you're the Magic is if you know that you have to get something in return for Howard before he just up and leaves in free agency. Also, Bynum needs to be suspended for the first three games, at least, of next season. That cheap shot was done solely with the intent to injure in the waning moments of a game that was in hand. (LA Times)

The Atlanta Hawks, meanwhile, tied their series with the Chicago Bulls, and -- Surprise! -- the talk the day after is of a blown call that came in a critical situation. NBA refs are awful, we know this. Their ability to a major part of the conversation the day after a game is uncanny. It's almost like they simply enjoy hearing their names on Sportscenter, even if it means they're being ripped. As for the actual game, Atlanta is a lot better than I thought it was. (Atlanta Journal-Constitution)

Newt Gingrich will announce Wednesday that he is running for President in 2012. Which is, well, hilarious. (The Hill)

Barack Obama was interviewed Sunday night about the raid to kill bin Laden on "60 Minutes." If you missed it, here's a pretty good summation of his remarks. Greatest part of this whole thing was when he said anyone who doesn't think bin Laden deserved what he got needs to have their head examined. Take that, half of my Facebook feed. (Talk Radio News)

Today's Amazingness goes beyond Amazing at points, if for no other reason than you get to hear Michael Bolton say, "this city is a pussy, just waiting to get fucked":

Let's make it 200

2011-05-08T15:43:00.002-04:00

Pape Grande (Jose Valverde) just achieved his 200th career save. While I'm not a big fan of saves as a measure of anything (what an arbitrary definition of a counting stat), he is now only the 41st player to reach this mark in history. More importantly, the Tigers are creeping really close to that .500 mark (17-18).

Nice outing by Brad Penny today as well. Hopefully, Max can keep the team rolling tomorrow in the series finale.

Justin pitches a no-no

2011-05-07T20:03:00.003-04:00

Opponents are now hitting .187 against him. His WHIP is just 0.98 and he has struck out 55 batters in 57 innings. Are there people out there doubting his ace-like qualities now? Let's break down the the two no-hitters:

Milwaukee/Toronto
Date June 12, 2007/May 7, 2011
Pitches 112/108
Strikes 73/74
Groundouts 11/12
Flyouts 4/7
K's 12/4
BB's 4/1
Starter vs. Jeff Suppan/Ricky Romero

In addition, there were only two players on the field who were also on the field the first time. Magglio was in RF both times, and Brandon Inge was on 3rd both times.

Also an interesting note was that the same Milwaukee Brewers team also had a no-hitter of their own going until the 8th inning at the exact same time while Justin was in his bid for his 2nd. An odd coincidence.

One final number: Justin becomes the 30th player in history to pitch 2 no-hitters, the 2nd such player to do so while wearing a Tigers uniform. Virgil Trucks also pitched two no-no's while wearing the Olde English D. (Both came in 1952). Trucks is the oldest living person who has thrown a no-hitter in MLB.

Somebody is a prophet

2011-05-07T00:35:00.002-04:00

Yes, I went to the Red Wings game tonight. No, I did not pay for that ticket. But on the way home, I noticed the headline on the fake paper. Odd.

Morning Head: Could this be the end?

2011-05-06T10:31:00.004-04:00

Diora Baird, who makes a brief cameo in this video. She's also wearing golf attire, which, well, I don't really want to say it, but it's our reality right now.

Game 4 is tonight, and a loss means the end of the Detroit Red Wings season. As Mitch Albom writes, yes, this feels exactly like last year. Although there's a little bit of extra sickness in knowing that this is happening all over again. I think the Wings will win tonight and at least send this series back to San Jose for Game 5. But I thought they should have won Game 3, too. I suppose when you've lost two games in OT and the other by a goal, a comeback is not outside of the realm of possibility. But that's what we thought last year, right? (Freep)

Of course, the really sad part of this is that we could be about to witness Nick Lidstrom's final game as a Red Wing, and even if they win, his last game in Detroit. It's one of those moments that Wings fans have been preparing for for years, but I don't know if we'll ever be truly prepared. It doesn't help that the Wings currently have one other defenseman that I trust with the puck in the defensive zone. (The Detroit Sports Site)

On a bright note, the Tigers won their third straight game Thursday afternoon, knocking off the Yankees. You'll never be able to properly explain to me how the Tigers can be swept by the Mariners at home and then a week later take three of four (and very nearly sweep) the Yankees. Then again, I think it was myself that said the Tigers would be consistently inconsistent this year, meaning that we shouldn't get too up or down based on their wild ups and downs. So far, I've failed miserably at taking my own advice. (DetNews)

The Canucks have take a 3-1 lead against the Nashville Predators in what had looked like the only second-round series that was going to be worth watching. On a side note: Ryan Kesler is from Michigan. When he becomes a UFA, he needs to be paid a lot of money to come home. (Kurtenblog)

Big college basketball news: Maryland coach Gary Williams is retiring to pursue other ventures. This is sure to cause a bit of a domino effect in college basketball, as I'm sure a fairly big name will take this job. Then a name you probably know will take his job, then a name you don't know will take that job. Then ... you get the point. (ESPN)

Al Qaeda admitted that Osama bin Laden was killed, and they did the same way any legitimate organization would: Using Internet message boards. So, basically, members of Al Qaeda had the death of their leader confirmed to them the same way I found out Aaron Lynch had committed to Notre Dame. Sounds about right. (Huffington Post)

If you watch one video today about Christian and Muslim relations, make sure it's this one. (Daily Show)

Today's Amazingness is sure to leave you scratching your head:

Morning Head: This is stupid

2011-05-05T10:24:00.003-04:00

Camilla Belle has played a cavewoman. No doubt she's nowhere near as annoying as the Geico caveman. Seriously, can we completely cut these commercials? Is there anyone in those focus groups that say, "you know what I want? More of those cavemen who hate Geico. Those guys are hilarious." I really, really hope not.

But onto more serious matters: What the fuck? Last night was the first time in this series that the Red Wings deserved to win. Not that the Sharks didn't, but the Wings finally played the game they're capable of playing, and responded when the Sharks scored some soul-crushing goals. Until the third period, like Matt at On the Wings wrote, when the Wings slipped into a bit of a prevent defense, happy to win this game 3-2. Of course, the Sharks found a way to force overtime, where they never lose and the Red Wings seemingly never win. One place Matt and I disagree is on "letting the Sharks hang around" in the first two periods. The Sharks are very good hockey team, probably better than the Red Wings if we want to look at this honestly. The reason the Wings looked so dominant against the Coyotes is because the Coyotes were the worst of the eight teams in the Western Conference playoffs. So now the Wings have to find a way to win four straight against a team that's better than them, and do it twice in San Jose. Unless things like broken stick goals start happening for the Red Wings and the Sharks start barely missing passes that lead to wide open nets, that's not happening. (On the Wings)

I'd say, "at least we're not Capitals fans" but then again, the Red Wings are looking down the barrel of a sweep themselves. The fact the Caps have again disappointed in the playoffs, despite the fact they took a more defensive approach this season, shows there's something more than strategy wrong with this team. I love me some Bruce Boudreau, but he's more than likely done, and I don't think anyone can argue with that. (Puck Daddy)

The Flyers, meanwhile, have the Bruins right where they want them. But seriously, the Flyers are embarrassing. (Philly.com)

Break up the Tigers! Two wins in a row against the New York Yankees! The Sizemore move has changed this team's fortunes! Of course, all of this is out the window in two weeks, when the Tigers have lost seven of their last nine, and Sizemore is hitless in his last 11 games. (DetNews)

The Lakers are strugg-a-ling. Dallas took a 2-0 lead on L.A. with another win at Staples Center last night. I didn't watch the game, because I was busy decompressing after the Wings loss, but I hear the Mavs big white foreigner was 1,000-times better than the Lakers big white foreigner. (LA Times)

I don't know what to think of the Bulls, frankly. I think they're good, at least that's what the regular season told me. But even in their wins in the playoffs, it hasn't been all that pretty. I think they can, and will, beat Atlanta, and I think they might be a bit of a matchup issue for the Heat, but I don't think they can win the East, and that bothers me. If the Sharks and Heat win the Stanley Cup and NBA Title, I might just quit watching sports. (Chicago Tribune)

This makes me happy, though. Warning to friends who read this blog: If I do get this book, I will likely walk around speaking like I'm part of a crime family for however long it takes me to read it. (Huffington Post)

Osama bin Laden's death photos are not being released, so don't click on the Facebook link that says they have them. Really, you shouldn't click on any Facebook links that don't look trustworthy and have a lot of exclamation points in the subject, but this one is amazing to me. It's as if people really think the White House would secretly leak the photos to Facebook as a way of getting around what they said they wouldn't do. On the bright side, getting the "Osama death photos" virus on Facebook is much less embarrassing than getting the "Father walks in on daughter, how embarrassing" virus. (ABC)

Today's Amazingness is VIDEO OF OSAMA BIN LADEN'S DEATH!!!!!!!!!!

OK, it's not. Although, I have a hard time believing this is real:

Morning Head: It's must-win night in the D

2011-05-04T09:56:00.003-04:00

The Derelict would like to pass on congratulations to Rose Huntington-Whiteley, who was named No. 1 on the Maxim Hot 100. There's a lot of suck on that list, in terms of where people are ranked. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I suppose, but what kind of drugs does the beholder have to be on to place 2011 Britney Spears in their top 25? (And yes, I will be bookmarking this list and going back to it to grab Morning Head girls for the foreseeable future).

The Red Wings must win tonight in Game 3 of their series against the San Jose Sharks. It's that simple. And, as Michael Rosenberg notes, finding a way to win is that simple, too. The Wings simply have to play better. They're a puck possession team that's getting destroyed when it comes to puck possession, which is bad. This team cannot win this series if it continues to spend so much time chasing the San Jose Sharks around their zone, no matter who well Jimmy Howard plays. The scary thing is, I'm not sure that's something the Wings can really change. (Freep)

How do you end a seven-game losing streak? Pitch Brad Penny against CC Sabathia, of course. The Tigers finally won a game last night, beating the Yankees 4-2. Expect over the next few days to hear your Tigers-apologist friends to tell you how awesome Scott Sizemore is, and how he should have been up on the team all season (this may be right, but at the beginning of the season, these same fans were telling you that keeping Rhymes on the squad was the clear choice). My point in all of this is, baseball is a crazy game. (DetNews)

Speaking of crazy games, Francisco Liriano, who was stuck on most fantasy benches and looked to be making his way into the Twins bullpen, threw a no-hitter last night against the Chicago White Sox. It may have been the least impressive no-hitter of all-time, rivaling what Edwin Jackson did a year ago. Liriano walked six and struck out two. He wouldn't even be a candidate for Athlete of the Week in our paper, is what I'm saying. (Yahoo)

I'll repeat what I wrote yesterday: The Heat are going to win the NBA title, and I hate myself for coming to this realization. Miami went up 2-0 on Boston last night, at times making the oldie-pants Celtics look old. Oklahoma City, meanwhile, evened its series with the Memphis Grizzlies. I didn't watch that game. (The Big Lead)

Ryan Kesler is the exactly the type of player that you find a way to hate when he's on the other team. He's gritty, he makes borderline illegal plays and gets away with them, and he produces. But since he did all of that for Team USA in the Olympics, I can't hate him. Nashville fans might disagree with me today, as they just watched Kesler dominate their team and give the Canucks a 2-1 lead in their series. Of course, Vancouver really won last night because of this, which is pretty damn creative. Although, you'll find yourself wishing they never went away from the original shot of the singer. Also, the Capitals are one game away from being swept by the Lightning. This is kind of shocking. (Puck Daddy)

Somebody did this. I'm not sure whether to be really excited about it or sad. (E!)

Today's Amazingness is simply amazing:

Morning Head: Ya know, the Giants lost seven in a row last year

2011-05-03T10:22:00.002-04:00

Amber Lancaster would like us to guess. Um, delicious? I'm gonna go with delicious.

The Tigers lost their seventh straight game last night, 5-3 to the Yankees. The answer, of course, is bringing Scott Sizemore back up and sending Will Rhymes down. It doesn't have anything to do with the fact the Tigers "ace" can't get through the sixth inning without throwing 200 pitches. Or maybe it's the shit-tastic lineup. Or maybe the shit-tastic bullpen. Ya know, maybe this team is just shitty. But, as the headline says, the Giants lost seven in a row last year. But that's just a sentence on a blog, and it has absolutely nothing to do with this shitty baseball team. (DetNews)

Jesus, I hate it when I agree with Drew Sharp. But he's right, the Wings have to do a better job of keeping the Sharks off of Jimmy Howard, and at the same time, do a better job of getting up in Antti Niemi's grill. Something needs to happen to change the tone of this series, and it could start there. I'm telling you, Niemi is there for the taking, and once the Wings start taking, things could change. Of course, in order to get traffic in front of the goaltender, you need to not be pinned in your own zone by the other team's constant pressure. That's kind of a big deal. (Freep)

The Boston Bruins look pretty damn good right now, and there's definitely not a goaltender in these playoffs playing as well as Tim Thomas. David Krejci's goal in overtime gave them a 2-0 lead over the Flyers after two games in Philadelphia. Of course, the Bruins took a 3-0 lead on the Flyers last year before losing in seven games. There's no way that happens two years in a row, though, right? (Boston.com)

Two upsets last night in the NBA Playoffs, as the Atlanta Hawks took out the Chicago Bulls -- who had an even scarier moment when Derrick Rose tweaked his ankle on the final play of the game -- and the Dallas Mavericks took Game 1 in Los Angeles. The Chicago game featured this incredible moment from Blackhawks anthem singer Jim Cornelison. Of course, what we've all learned from the first two days of the second round, is that the Heat are going to win it all, and that sucks. (Ball Don't Lie, ESPN)

I did a lot of reading yesterday about the bin Laden capture, and this was the best thing I came across. I was trying to figure out what the feeling would be like watching your troops go on a mission to kill the No. 1 terrorist target in the world, and, surprisingly, I had nothing that compared. The closest thing I could think of was watching the Wings in overtime. That's the only thing that has all that build up with an end that provides an instant finality. Of course, we're working on a giant fucking scale here, but that's all I've got. (NY Times)

This girl is incredible (see about 1:15 for the amazingness):

Pat Caputo lives in an alternate universe

2011-05-02T14:11:00.005-04:00

I don't dislike Pat Caputo. I follow him on Twitter, he follows me back (like he does with most of his followers). I sent him a direct message when he called Brad Penny "Grant Penny" in his blog, as to not embarrass him publicly.

I've never really been a big reader of his columns, however, probably because I've never lived anywhere near the paper's circulation. The headline on his latest one, however, forced me to click, and my goodness, it didn't disappoint.

CAPUTO: Howard can't surrender any more 'iffy' goals to Sharks

See? Don't you want to click on that? I thought I was going to get Rick Roll'd. Unfortunately, I did not.

There were many times Friday and Sunday when Red Wings’ goalie Jimmy Howard was great.

He made save after save, many of them spectacular, in Game 1 and Game 2 of Detroit’s Western Conference semifinal playoff series against the San Jose Sharks.

Yes, correct. "He was the only reason the Wings only lost by one" would also be a sufficient way of describing Howard's play. I suspect that will be the next sentence.

But it was the one save Howard didn’t make Sunday that was the difference in a 2-1 loss.

This, technically, is a factual statement. Niclas Wallin's goal early in the third period wound up being the game-winning goal in the game and the definition of "game-winning goal" is the goal that provided the difference in the final score. But if that's what our friend here was getting at, he would have just said, "Jimmy Howard allowed the game-winning goal." This difference is different. And awful.

With the Red Wings already trailing 1-0, Niclas Wallin of the Sharks took what appeared to be an innocent-looking shot that hit off Howard’s shoulder, his helmet and dropped behind the thin, red goal line.

Why add the "thin, red goal line" part? And is the red line in the goal really thin? It seems pretty proportional to me.

Here’s the bottom line about Howard. Doesn’t matter if Red Wings’ defenseman Niklas Kronwall’s stick was, “in the road,” so to speak, making it a more difficult save. Doesn’t matter if the puck was deflected. It still caught most of Howard. He should have made that save. It should have been a 1-0 deficit for the Red Wings down the stretch. Instead, it was 2-0 and essentially, the game was out of reach.

No, actually those things do matter. Deflected pucks beat goalies because the NHL is a really fucking fast game. Howard closed out the angle of Wallin, got in position, and the puck came up on his ear, which is an incredibly awkward place to have something come at you. That's why the goal was so awkward looking. It wasn't an impossible save to make by any means, but it would have been a good save had it been made. You don't need to dive across the crease to make a spectacular save.

When the stakes are this high, and if the Red Wings are going to win the Stanley Cup title, their goalie has to make that save 99.9999999 percent of the time.

Again, this is based off the opinion that the save would have been an easy one, which I'm not so sure it would have been. Regardless, Howard pretty much has made those saves 99.9999999 percent of the time in this series. Again: He's the single, solitary reason these were both one-goal games.

Is it fair in the sense Howard often made brilliant stops merely to keep the Red Wings in the game? Or that he kept the Red Wings in Friday’s game with many splendid stops, despite Detroit being badly outplayed? Or that Howard was essentially expected to win these games on his own — given the Red Wings have scored only two goals in two games?

No.

Correct. So don't write a fucking column about it.

The Red Wings played poorly by their high standards on Friday, and were at least matched by the Sharks in terms of puck possession and scoring chances Sunday.

The Red Wings have played poorly by a lot of standards in Games 1 and 2, and in what world does the Sharks puck possession and scoring chances in Game 2 "at least match" that of the Red Wings? How about "were dominated by the Sharks in terms of puck possession and scoring chances Sunday"? Did Caputo only watch the third period of this game? I'm asking a serious question.

Yet, there is no margin for error at this stage. The Sharks are motivated. They are very talented. The Sharks have a goalie who has proven he can win the Stanley Cup in Antti Niemi, who didn’t flinch. Howard did — and that ultimately became the primary issue of this particular hockey game.

Niemi's played well in this series, but Howard has been asked to do much, much more. Sure, Niemi had to make some saves, but the Red Wings haven't had much sustained pressure in this series. The Sharks, meanwhile, have looked like they've been on the power play for most of it.

It’s just a fact of a goalie’s life come playoff time. He can be great, yet at the same time not be good enough. Just takes one mistake. A lone shot that got away. Such moments are so difficult to get back. Difficult, true, but not impossible.

The Stanley Cup playoffs often develop wild momentum shifts. The Red Wings can get it back on their side Wednesday night by winning Game 3 at Joe Louis Arena.

Not going to argue with this point. My wife could have made it, but I'm not going to argue with it.

They did play much better Sunday, which was widely anticipated. The Sharks, however, matched the Red Wings in that regard.

Again with this "matched" bullshit. The Sharks didn't "match" anything the Wings did. They dominated them, overpowered them. It was sad to watch. At one point, I tweeted that this must be what it was like to be a Coyotes fan. I also received the following texts during the game: "wings struggln" "Todd mcclellan owns mike babcock, knows everything he is going to do" "We r getting dominated" "We r getting owned..."

The only thing that matched in this game were Joe Pavelski's beard and his pubes.

It’s odd, but penalties are an issue for the normally disciplined Red Wings. Justin Abdelkader, a good young player, has to stop with the high-sticking penalties. It was an unnecessary penalty that led to San Jose’s first goal on a power play.

Wait, wasn't the big concern coming into this series (and in last year's series against the Sharks), the Wings inability to stay out of the penalty box? Didn't Phoenix claw back into games in Round 1 because the Wings took undisciplined and stupid penalties?

The Red Wings also must do a better job of really testing Niemi. While they did get their share of shots on goal Sunday, they didn’t create enough traffic in front of San Jose’s goal.

You don’t often see pretty goals this time of the year. It’s about attacking the net and making it rough in front of the opposing goaltender.

San Jose did a much job in that regard in Game 1 and Game 2. Howard, the questionable goal allowed aside, has handled that aspect well.

The Red Wings haven’t put Niemi through nearly the same type of ordeal, though.

There aren’t a lot of secrets here.

OK, hold on. *scrolls up* Yep, we did compare Niemi and Howard earlier in this column, and now we're admitting they're basically playing with two different decks of cards. These are the arguments you're supposed to have with yourself before you write the column.

The Red Wings did a better job of carrying the play to the Sharks Sunday, but still weren’t threatening enough. They took an unnecessary penalty, and were burned by it. Their goalie allowed an “iffy” goal.

Seriously, he only watched the third period, didn't he? The Wings didn't carry shit to the Sharks on Sunday, just like they didn't carry shit to them on Friday. That's why even though the Wings have really only lost two games on the road by a combined two goals, it still feels like they're down more than 2-0 in this series.

So they lost a one-goal decision to the Sharks in the Western Conference semifinals for the sixth time in two seasons. There’s a pattern here.

The Red Wings have to win Wednesday.

Whatever wiggle room they had has disappeared.

Such a dramatic end to a steaming pile of shit.

But Caputo is right, there is a pattern here, at least when it comes to this year's series. The pattern is that Jimmy Howard plays his ass off, gives his team a chance to win games they have no business winning, and they're unable to do much more than chase the Sharks around their zone.

If you were to list the reasons the Red Wings lost Game 2, "Jimmy Howard" would have been pretty far down that list, somewhere between "Ruslan Salei's inability to skate" and "Todd Bertuzzi's beard feeling the residual effects of Osama bin Laden's death."

Morning Head: So, last night was awesome

2011-05-02T11:14:00.002-04:00

I don't know who this is, and I don't really care. I just Googled "USA bikini" and clicked the first picture I saw because I'm at work. I'm sure you'll forgive me.

Because holy shit, he's dead. That motherfucker Osama bin Laden finally got his, and it was announced to the world last night. Here's a nice rundown of how this all went down. Here's another (w/ video for all you lazy asses). Here's a collection of front pages from across the country (way to hedge, USA Today). Here's a story about the badasses that killed him. And here are two (one and two) pictures that say more than any of my words possibly could. This is an incredible moment. (Several places)

I'll be posting about the Red Wings later, but those are enough links to last you until then. And of course, there's this piece of amazing:

Morning Head: Who's ready to go Shark fishing?

2011-04-29T09:46:00.004-04:00

In honor of the Royal Wedding, here's Kate Middleton in a white bikini. Well done, William. Well done.

I did not wake up to watch the Royal Wedding, mainly because I have testicles. But also because by waking up before dawn, I would have jeopardized my ability to be at full strength tonight. Game 1 tonight, bitches. I feel really, really good about this series and the Red Wings' all-around playoff chances. I'm picking the Wings in six games in this series, but wouldn't be surprised if they closed it out earlier. I'm serious. I think we have a hot and motivated Red Wings team, which might be the most dangerous thing in professional sports. (Winging it in Motown)

While waiting for the game today, go ahead and read this article about how the rest of the NHL feels about Pavel Datsyuk. Hint: They all realize he's good. (SI.com)

The Detroit Lions had Nick Fairley fall into their lap last night -- thanks to Tennessee's insistence on drafting a quarterback who can't complete 55% of his passes in the Pac-10 -- and they didn't pass up the opportunity to put together what could end up being the most dominating pair of defensive tackles this generation has ever seen. I'm not even exaggerating. Ndamukong Suh and Fairley were the two most dominant defensive players in college football the past two years. Now they're the first two people opposing offenses have to contain if they're going to gain any yards against the Lions. That's awesome. (Freep)

Cam Newton went No. 1, of course, and there were some surprises -- Christian Ponder? Really? -- but the moment of the first round had to be Mark Ingram's interview with Suzy Kolber after he was picked by the New Orleans Saints. Then Reggie Bush tweeted this, and Twitter exploded. (Kegs 'n' Eggs)

I don't normally link to super local stuff, but the story of the Port Huron Predators is abso-fucking-lutely amazing. (Times Herald)

The Tigers were just swept by the goddamn Mariners. The goddamn, fucking last-place Mariners. I'm thisclose to completely skipping them in the Morning Head from now on. (DetNews)

The Lakers, Mavericks and Hawks advanced to the second round with wins last night. Yeah, that's all I got. (True Hoop)

The Office said goodbye to Steve Carrell last night. I didn't watch it because I was at work, but even if I was at home I would have opted for the draft or the NBA Playoffs. I'm not a hater, I'm just not a lover. (Time)

Today's Amazingness is the best commercial ever made:

Lions draft Nick Fairley, NFC North offenses pray for 10-year lockout

2011-04-28T22:43:00.003-04:00

The Detroit Lions surprised a lot of people tonight by drafting Nick Fairley with the 13th pick in the NFL Draft. Surprising for two reasons: 1. The fact that Fairley was still around at No. 13; and 2. They already have a dominant defensive tackle.

But here's the thing, in a 4-3 defense, you play two defensive tackles, and now the Lions have the two most dominant defensive players in the last two college football seasons at those positions. This is a good thing. A very good thing. It's also a really fucking scary thing for opposing running backs and quarterbacks.

In honor of our new defensive vice overlord, here's a list of things I'd rather do than try to run the ball on Suh and Fairley:

- Watch the Royal Wedding

- Root for the San Jose Sharks

- Eat six-week old sushi

- Have dinner with Orly Taitz

- Try and stop a Zdeno Chara slapshot while not wearing a cup

- Take a trip to Egypt with Lara Logan

- Go to a Nickelback concert

- Stick my hand into a bag of glass shards before masturbating

- Vote for Sarah Palin

- Watch Chris Berman call highlights on a 24-hour loop

- Request the "Brian Engblom" next time I go to the barber

- Give Charles Barkley a rimjob

- Purchase Pistons season tickets

- Bang Snooki

- Give up scotch

- Be on this show

- Have unprotected sex with Tila Tequila

Did I miss anything?

Morning Head: Holy Sh*t, the NFL Draft is tonight

2011-04-28T10:55:00.004-04:00

Here's Alessandra Ambrosio in a dress that doesn't quite have enough material to cover her backside when she does a move like that. Some designers really know what they're doing.

So, the NFL Draft is tonight. I don't know if it's the fact the Lions aren't picking until No. 13 or that we're so immersed in the NHL Playoffs, but this really kind of snuck up on me. SI's Don Banks has the Lions taking Prince Amukamara, which I think is the best-case scenario. Corner might be the Lions' biggest need -- along with tackle -- and he's a talent worthy of a top-15 pick. He also mentions Mark Ingram as a possibility, but I really don't like that. This front office seems to have it much more on the ball than its predecessor, so I'm not too worried. (SI.com)

The first round of the NHL Playoffs is now over, as Tampa Bay and Boston won two more thrilling Game 7s Wednesday night. This led SB Nation to ask the question, "Was this the best first round ever?" They say yes, and I have to agree. Nine straight days of overtime games, home-ice advantage being rendered moot by the incredible competition, and best of all, the best teams in the league are still standing, meaning we'll have exciting hockey the rest of the way. Oh, and make sure to watch the video at the end of that. (SB Nation)

I don't normally like to link to Drew Sharp articles unless I'm making fun of them, but I kind of agree with this one: Jimmy Howard is going to need to come up big if the Wings are going to beat the Sharks. The Wings were so dominant against Phoenix that his play went largely unnoticed, but I thought Howard was spectacular when he needed to be in that series. The Sharks are going to bring a lot of offensive pressure in this series, and while I don't think the Wings will have trouble scoring -- if L.A. could produce as much as it did without Anze Kopitar, the Wings shouldn't have any issues -- but that doesn't mean Howard should be satisfied winning games 5-4 or 6-5. Then again, as long as the Wings win four of them, I could give a shit what the score is. Series starts at 10 p.m. Friday. There will be a live blog if I can possibly make that happen. Although, it is a Friday. (Freep)

Griffin is going to have to talk me down, because I've about had it with these Tigers. Yes, I realize it's April, but a 10-1 loss to Seattle? At home? With your ace pitching? Come the fuck on. (DetNews)

The NBA matched the NHL last night when it came to excitement, as the Spurs and Thunder each had some late-game heroics to win their respective Game 5s. For the Spurs, it was a miracle three by Gary Neal (?) to send the game to overtime and stay alive against the Memphis Grizzlies. They still have to win two more, including one on the road, but the pressure shifts a little bit to Memphis to win a close-out game on the road after failing to finish off a veteran team like the Spurs. For the Thunder, it was Kevin Durant telling Russell Westbrook, "I take the shots down the stretch," as he led his team to a Game 5 win and into the second round. Oklahoma City will play the winner of the Spurs/Grizzlies series. The Heat also won last night, eliminating the Sixers. You probably won't hear anything about their next series, though. (Herald Sun)

Some of the images from Alabama are horrific after tornadoes ripped through the area. There are more than 200 dead in the South after these storms ripped through the area. Devastating. (Washington Post)

Today's Amazingness comes from The Limousines:

Profiles in Pussyism: Joe Thornton

2011-04-27T19:50:00.001-04:00

Yo, what's up. Big Joe Thornton here.

/Picks up dumbbell, passes it to unsuspecting teammate

Don't know if you're aware, but I just scored a pretty big goal against the Los Angeles Kings to get my team to the second round of the playoffs. It was the 17th goal of my playoff career, and it only took me 97 games to get there. It also was apparently a "game-winning goal." I'm not really sure what that is, but Joe Pavelski tells me I did good.

/Orders Jager bomb, pays for it, slides it back to the bartender who has turned her back

I may play center, but I'm the perfect wing man. Get it? A wing is another position in hockey. Shut up.

/takes pen and paper from autograph seeker, hands it to Dany Heatley

Some may look at the fact that I "don't score goals in big situations" and see that as me being a failure. They might point to the fact that I was "pointless in a seven-game series" while I was with the Bruins. Well I like to point out that I dominated the Swiss Elite league during the lockout. Eat it, bitches.

/Makes a protein shake, tips it toward mouth and quickly tosses it at Patrick Marleau's back

Some also might say that I like to take "cheap shots" when I get frustrated. Shit, those ain't cheap shots. Dollar-fifty lemon drops, those are cheap shots. Amiright?

/Punches stranger in the back of the neck

No Stanley Cups? Pshh, that ain't my fault. I'm just a No. 1 pick that's been surrounded by superb talent for most of my career. What do you expect me to do, lead my team? C'mon, that's for losers. I'm all about racking up assists and buying Affliction shirts. Bitches.

/Raises cup of Heineken above his head, passes it to unsuspecting bar patron next to him

Morning Head: My birth certificate was black. Try again, NObama

2011-04-27T11:19:00.005-04:00

Elsa Pataky never had to show her long-form birth certificate, because she's hot, and we don't care if you're an illegal alien or not as long as you're hot. Penelope Cruz? Dominican national*. Jennifer Lopez? Anchor baby*. But they're hot, so that's OK.

(* - #notintendedtobeafactualstatement)

But this morning, the President of the United States felt the need to present his long-form birth certificate to the country/world because he's not hot. He also had to do it because there's a large swath of the republican party who were demanding it because they really didn't believe he was born here, despite, well, evidence that he was. And also, the media, up until two fucking nights ago, refused to just put the issue to rest. And even after CNN went ahead and "definitively" ruled that he was born here, IT'S OWN dipshit White House correspondent Ed Henry was asking about it. I'm pissed I had to write this paragraph, I can only imagine how pissed the president was he had to do something to stop people from talking about it. And don't give me that, "he should have done it sooner," bullshit, because he did. Remember, when I linked to this? (Huffington Post)

OK, happier times.

Vancouver eliminated Chicago last night in overtime. It was, quite honestly, the most invested in a non-Red Wings, non-Team USA hockey game that I've ever been. Corey Crawford was absolutely outstanding in net for the Blackhawks, doing everything he could to allow Chicago to stay in the game long enough for Jonathan Toews to score the type of goal Vancouver Canucks fans were fearing the most. Of course, Alex Burrows finished things off early in overtime, allowing us all to go to bed at a somewhat decent time (and inspiring one of the better front pages I've seen in a while). Although we should probably just get used to staying up late ... (Kurtenblog)

And now, it's Shark Hate Week. Of course, I was never any good at math, so this week could last, like, two weeks, but those are insignificant details that have nothing to do with hating the Sharks. I don't know when this series is going to start. I'm assuming Friday. It will be late Friday night, which means we're going to be tired and hungover Saturday morning. But that's what Saturday mornings are for. Also: Live blog. (Freep)

The other Game 7 last night was not so interesting. The Flyers got after Ryan Miller, chasing him from the game in a lopsided win. I hate when Game 7s don't live up to the rest of the series. Such a letdown. (Philly.com)

The Tigers lost in outstanding fashion, mainly because Ryan Raburn is Ryan Fucking Raburn. If this play isn't voted the "Worst of the Worst" in the Sportscenter "Not Top 10" for the rest of forever, I'll think less of this society than I already did because of the birther nonsense. (DetNews)

Kobe Bryant went HAM last night on the New Orleans Hornets, despite having an "injury." The Lakers finally did to New Orleans what we expected them to be doing. I think Your Boy Matt may have put it best. (Youtube)

The Bulls and Magic also finally did what we expected them to do. The Bulls eliminated the Pacers and the Magic staved off elimination. The fact that nobody will even pretend to care about the second-round series outside of Chicago and Atlanta/Orlando is both sad and probably the correct thing to be doing. (Orlando Sentinel)

Today's Amazingness is hopefully a predictor of things to come:

The Tigers Offense

2011-04-27T02:28:00.003-04:00

Coming into tonight's game against the Mariners, the Tigers offense was one of only 10 MLB teams to hit the 100 run mark. The teams wOBA of .319 is also a respectable 13th out of all MLB teams. Is this sustainable? Can we expect the Tigers to rise, fall, or sit where they are now?

Let's start with the most obvious statement of all. Miguel Cabrera is the best player on this team, and probably one of the 3 or 4 best hitters in the world right now. While his BABIP (batting average on balls in play) is way over MLB average at .344, this is also right in line with his normal ability. He has actually been BETTER than his amazing 2010 season, producing a .450 wOBA. It appears that he has taken another step forward in a way that is sustainable. This is good news.

The next two most valuable players are young lefty batters Brennan Boesch and Alex Avila. Avila has started to display the power he had during his minor league career. However, his BABIP currently sits at .393. Most MLB hitters fall into the .290 to .310 range in BABIP, regardless of how talented they are. (Albert Pujols is at .313 for his career). Boesch has a likewise unusually high BABIP so far. Since these have been two of the team's three best hitters, this might be a problem somewhere in the future when those batted balls stop finding holes and the players start regressing towards the mean.

Of course , the Tigers are experiencing their share of bad luck so far too. Ordonez (.214 BABIP), Inge (.250), Martinez (.260), and Rhymes (.233) should all expect to start getting a few more breaks on their batted balls going forward. This should help make up for Boesch and Avila's eventual slow downs.

Ryan Raburn is the most curious case of all. His BABIP currently sits at .356. His career average is higher than a usual player (.331) meaning he shouldn't slow TOO much. But he is also striking out 10 percent more than normal, so he might actually get better if that rate starts trending towards normal. (Don't read too much into strikeouts, though. There is not a huge relationship between strikeouts and producing runs. In fact, if you click that link, you might find out some pretty surprising things about strike out relationships.)

As for Jhonny Peralta, he sports a .295 BABIP to go with a .311 wOBA. He might be due to improve ever so slightly. He is, however, mostly what he is showing now. A completely average MLB shortstop. What more can you ask after that last SS we had.

Overall, the Tigers have had one of the better offenses in all of baseball dating back to 2006. It appears to be a pretty good offense again this year not even accounting that it appears that a lot of the team's options stand to improve as we progress into summer.

I will re-visit this topic throughout the summer to see if the hitters who have started out high trend towards normal and vice-versa. Keep in mind that it often takes nearly 550 or so plate appearances for stats to correct themselves, so it's also entirely possible that these players don't follow the normal rules of baseball for a season.

Soon, I will take a look at pitching and defense, so keep an eye open for that discussion.

Finally, it is SHARK HATE WEEK here at the Daily Derelict. To hell with the Blackhawks. ENJOY YOUR OFFSEASON WHILE WE PLAY THE SHARKS JERKS!

Shark Hate Week begins ... Now

2011-04-27T01:18:00.000-04:00

Bring it, bitches.